Setup: Melanie(6) is being fiercely independent. She's done some work around the house to earn some money and she’s decided to spend some of it. So, we all go to Chipotle: she is going to purchase her very own hard shell.
When we're just about to the front of the line, I realize that I’ve left my wallet in the car.
Andy: I'll be right back.
Melanie (disappointed): But, Dad… You're going to miss me buy my taco.
Ok... this didn't actually happen, but it made me smile.
Monday, February 17, 2014
"Search" engine
We have a system that stores documents regarding how to deal with various incidents we encounter.
This system has a “search function” that allows you to enter a “search string” and it will return “search results”, ranked by a score indicating how closely the resulting item matched the “search string”. It will also highlight which characters in the result were found to match.
Below are the details from a recent search. You are seeing the1st, 2nd, and 40th “best matches”.
Search for:
Task 'TWINVAP004#II21EBM0100D' abnormal in process 'TWINVAP004#IDailyTestEQBM'
Score Title
100 Computer is loud or making strange sounds.
99 Cursor not responding in Windows
93 Task 'TWINVAP100#I21EBM0100D' abnormal in process 'TWINVAP100#IDailyTestEQBM'
In case it’s a bit hard to see with them so far apart, here are the search string and the “40th best match” shown directly above one another. (Red denotes differences.)
Task 'TWINVAP004#II21EBM0100D' abnormal in process 'TWINVAP004#IDailyTestEQBM'
Task 'TWINVAP100# I21EBM0100D' abnormal in process 'TWINVAP100#IDailyTestEQBM'
This system has a “search function” that allows you to enter a “search string” and it will return “search results”, ranked by a score indicating how closely the resulting item matched the “search string”. It will also highlight which characters in the result were found to match.
Below are the details from a recent search. You are seeing the1st, 2nd, and 40th “best matches”.
Search for:
Task 'TWINVAP004#II21EBM0100D' abnormal in process 'TWINVAP004#IDailyTestEQBM'
Score Title
100 Computer is loud or making strange sounds.
99 Cursor not responding in Windows
93 Task 'TWINVAP100#I21EBM0100D' abnormal in process 'TWINVAP100#IDailyTestEQBM'
In case it’s a bit hard to see with them so far apart, here are the search string and the “40th best match” shown directly above one another. (Red denotes differences.)
Task 'TWINVAP004#II21EBM0100D' abnormal in process 'TWINVAP004#IDailyTestEQBM'
Task 'TWINVAP100# I21EBM0100D' abnormal in process 'TWINVAP100#IDailyTestEQBM'
"Thank you" for your "support"
Below is the automated reply, in its entirity, from a website:
## Reply ABOVE THIS LINE to add a note to this request ##
Thank you for your inquiry. Your request has been received and is being reviewed by our support staff. Please note the information below as it will allow you to track the progress of your request online.
________________________________________
Hmm. Given the "information below", I'm concerned about the potential "progress of [my] request".
## Reply ABOVE THIS LINE to add a note to this request ##
Thank you for your inquiry. Your request has been received and is being reviewed by our support staff. Please note the information below as it will allow you to track the progress of your request online.
________________________________________
Hmm. Given the "information below", I'm concerned about the potential "progress of [my] request".
Calling ahead
This note is about a store with which I am generally happy, though this particular note is somewhat disparaging, so I'm removing the specific name: They Are Really Great... Excluding This.
Dear “Convenient Pharmacy”,
If my daughter is sick enough that I'm willing to interrupt my normal work schedule to take her in to see a doctor, it seems reasonable to conclude that I'm interested in her getting better. The fact that the physician has prescribed medication indicates that we are actively looking for solutions to a situation.
It is frustrating to arrive at the pharmacy counter after the appointment wherein a prescription was sent to you and, regardless of how much time has passed between leaving the clinic and arriving at your counter, you are "just now" finding out about the prescription. The entire point of sending it ahead of time is that you can have it ready.
However, invariably, when I finally get to the front of the line, the person always gives me a blank stare, has to wander over to the baskets, then to a second set of baskets, then checks a few more counters, then asks a few of the other people "have you seen the 'Smith' order?", then they go to another terminal, and finally they pull it up. "Oh, it just came through. It will be about 20 minutes."
20 minutes?!?
It took more than 20 minutes to get here from the clinic. I have a sick child. She is uncomfortable and in need of medication. We want to get the medicine in her as soon as possible to begin the road to recovery. Why have you not been working on this until now?
So, I wander around the store with my sick child for about 20 minutes and then return. At least the clerk recognizes my face, though not the last name, but he knows why I'm there. He goes back to a counter and says "Ok, we just need to mix it up."
Mix it up?!?
What were you doing for the past 20 minutes? Do you really think that, after our first encounter, I'm going to decide my child is no longer sick and just leave the store, never to return again? This medicine is to be stored at room temperature. It can sit on your counter just as well as it can sit on mine. I am to shake vigorously before each dose, so, even if it were to settle out a bit, waiting for my return (which should be within 20 minutes), it won't affect the potency of the medicine. It will be sitting on my counter for 4 days!
And then, you need to give me a consult. Really?!? My daughter is 6 and my eldest is 9. We've dealt with liquid medicine before. In fact, we've been in to this very clinic before… for this very same child… for this very same medicine. While I appreciate the "option" of a consult, should I have any questions, if there's nothing out-of-the-ordinary, please don't introduce another delay into this process. So long as the label clearly indicates the dose amount and frequency, whether or not to refrigerate it, and whether or not to take it with food, I should be good.
Analogous situation:
Me: Hello, Fictitious Pizza Palace? Yeah. I'd like to order some take out.
FPP Employee: Alright, what’ll it be?
Me: Can I get 2 large, original curst pepperoni pizzas?
FPP Employee: Sure thing. Your total comes to $10. It will be about 20 minutes.
Me: Great.
[20 minutes pass, during which, I have driven to Fictitious Pizza Palace.]
Me: Hello, I'm here to pick up my order.
FPP Employee: Ok, sir. One moment please.
[Goes back to where the kitchen.]
[Returns.]
FPP Employee: Alright, we just need to bake it. I will be another 15 to 20 minutes, ok?
Dear “Convenient Pharmacy”,
If my daughter is sick enough that I'm willing to interrupt my normal work schedule to take her in to see a doctor, it seems reasonable to conclude that I'm interested in her getting better. The fact that the physician has prescribed medication indicates that we are actively looking for solutions to a situation.
It is frustrating to arrive at the pharmacy counter after the appointment wherein a prescription was sent to you and, regardless of how much time has passed between leaving the clinic and arriving at your counter, you are "just now" finding out about the prescription. The entire point of sending it ahead of time is that you can have it ready.
However, invariably, when I finally get to the front of the line, the person always gives me a blank stare, has to wander over to the baskets, then to a second set of baskets, then checks a few more counters, then asks a few of the other people "have you seen the 'Smith' order?", then they go to another terminal, and finally they pull it up. "Oh, it just came through. It will be about 20 minutes."
20 minutes?!?
It took more than 20 minutes to get here from the clinic. I have a sick child. She is uncomfortable and in need of medication. We want to get the medicine in her as soon as possible to begin the road to recovery. Why have you not been working on this until now?
So, I wander around the store with my sick child for about 20 minutes and then return. At least the clerk recognizes my face, though not the last name, but he knows why I'm there. He goes back to a counter and says "Ok, we just need to mix it up."
Mix it up?!?
What were you doing for the past 20 minutes? Do you really think that, after our first encounter, I'm going to decide my child is no longer sick and just leave the store, never to return again? This medicine is to be stored at room temperature. It can sit on your counter just as well as it can sit on mine. I am to shake vigorously before each dose, so, even if it were to settle out a bit, waiting for my return (which should be within 20 minutes), it won't affect the potency of the medicine. It will be sitting on my counter for 4 days!
And then, you need to give me a consult. Really?!? My daughter is 6 and my eldest is 9. We've dealt with liquid medicine before. In fact, we've been in to this very clinic before… for this very same child… for this very same medicine. While I appreciate the "option" of a consult, should I have any questions, if there's nothing out-of-the-ordinary, please don't introduce another delay into this process. So long as the label clearly indicates the dose amount and frequency, whether or not to refrigerate it, and whether or not to take it with food, I should be good.
Analogous situation:
Me: Hello, Fictitious Pizza Palace? Yeah. I'd like to order some take out.
FPP Employee: Alright, what’ll it be?
Me: Can I get 2 large, original curst pepperoni pizzas?
FPP Employee: Sure thing. Your total comes to $10. It will be about 20 minutes.
Me: Great.
[20 minutes pass, during which, I have driven to Fictitious Pizza Palace.]
Me: Hello, I'm here to pick up my order.
FPP Employee: Ok, sir. One moment please.
[Goes back to where the kitchen.]
[Returns.]
FPP Employee: Alright, we just need to bake it. I will be another 15 to 20 minutes, ok?
It is Tuesday
Monday had finally come to a close, so I crawled into bed to sleep for the night.
Later, I was awoken by Melanie.
"Daddy," she not-so-whispered. "Can you tuck me in?"
I groggily lumbered out of bed and into her room. I tucked her in and rubbed her back for a while.
"It's time to go to sleep," I said softly and kissed her on her forehead. "Good night, sweetie."
I walked back to my room and crawled into bed to sleep for the night.
Again, I was awoken by Melanie.
"Daddy," she stage-whispered. "My bed's cold. Can you tuck me in?"
"Perhaps if you'd stay in it...," I thought to myself as I rolled out of bed and kind of limped into her room.
She snuggled in as I tucked the blanket all around her. I gently rubbed her back, warming and soothing her.
"It's time for sleep, princess." I said in a hushed voice. "Good night, sweetie."
I somewhat sleepwalked back to my room and crawled into bed to sleep for what was left of the night.
Not too surprisingly, I dreamt of sleeping. And of waking up.
What felt like only a few moments later, my alarm clock went off. It was time for work.
From my sleepy state, by my recollection, I had "gone to bed" on Monday night and had subsequently "crawled into bed to sleep for the night" 2 more times, plus the time I slept and woke in the dream, so, as I got up for the day, it felt like it ought to be Friday.
It is Tuesday.
Later, I was awoken by Melanie.
"Daddy," she not-so-whispered. "Can you tuck me in?"
I groggily lumbered out of bed and into her room. I tucked her in and rubbed her back for a while.
"It's time to go to sleep," I said softly and kissed her on her forehead. "Good night, sweetie."
I walked back to my room and crawled into bed to sleep for the night.
Again, I was awoken by Melanie.
"Daddy," she stage-whispered. "My bed's cold. Can you tuck me in?"
"Perhaps if you'd stay in it...," I thought to myself as I rolled out of bed and kind of limped into her room.
She snuggled in as I tucked the blanket all around her. I gently rubbed her back, warming and soothing her.
"It's time for sleep, princess." I said in a hushed voice. "Good night, sweetie."
I somewhat sleepwalked back to my room and crawled into bed to sleep for what was left of the night.
Not too surprisingly, I dreamt of sleeping. And of waking up.
What felt like only a few moments later, my alarm clock went off. It was time for work.
From my sleepy state, by my recollection, I had "gone to bed" on Monday night and had subsequently "crawled into bed to sleep for the night" 2 more times, plus the time I slept and woke in the dream, so, as I got up for the day, it felt like it ought to be Friday.
It is Tuesday.
I'm 29*
Here are some potential responses to the question: How old are you?
- 29... I was just thinking about a perfect cribbage hand and, sure enough, it's worth 29 points. I'm sorry, did you say something?
- I'm 29... well "techinically" 29 and 26 quarters, but let's not concern ourselves with fractions.
- I'm 29. Wait, you did just ask my choir robe number*, right?
- I'm 29. (Base 13, though not common, is still valid.)
- I'm 29... hang on, I think I might be counting leap years wrong. Oh well, close enough.
- I'm 29 yrs old. (Note: "yr", pronounced "yeer", is a unit (I just made up) equal to 1 29th of the time between July 12th, 1977 and today.)
* Ok, my choir robe number is actually 36, but one could think of some grouping in which one is the 29th enumerated member.
My mind's messing with me
My alarm went off. I hit snooze and crawled out of bed. I stepped into my slippers as I turned the alarm off for the day. I reached to unplug my iPod... but it wasn't there.
"That's odd," I thought to myself. "I'm pretty sure I plugged it in last night."
I went into the bathroom to get dressed for work. Using the light of my cell phone (which was in the place I had left it) I scanned the counters and "alternate iPod resting locations"... but found nothing.
Fully dressed, I walked back into the bedroom. Again guided by the glow of my cell phone, I surveyed the night stand -- empty. I did a sweep of the bed and -- there it was. Both electronic devices in hand, I crept back out of the bedroom.
The iPod was fully charged, which wouldn't have been the case if I had accidentally not plugged in and somehow left it in bed whilst I slept. I don't recall my alarm having gone off twice (though that doesn't rule out the possibility), however, even if I had hit snooze the first time and fallen back to sleep, I don't remove the iPod until I'm standing; so how did it get in bed, fully-charged?
I'm over 90% certain that I had plugged it in the night before. I remember then taking the iPad, which was lying in my spot, and bringing it around to Jen's night stand. The walk around the bed was enough that my bladder decided I'd need one last stop in the bathroom before attempting slumber. I returned to bed and went to sleep.
It is possible (though not particularly probable) that someone (or something?!) relocated my iPod while I was in the bathroom at night and then returned it to my bed when I was in the bathroom this morning. But who (or what)would do that? Did I wake up in the middle of the night, thinking it was morning, thus unplugging it, then, upon realizing my mistake, went back to bed with it in my hand? I have gotten up too early in the past, but that usually is remembered.
It seems my mind is playing tricks on me. Or perhaps something was changed in the Matrix. That would explain the black cat that walked by twice.
"That's odd," I thought to myself. "I'm pretty sure I plugged it in last night."
I went into the bathroom to get dressed for work. Using the light of my cell phone (which was in the place I had left it) I scanned the counters and "alternate iPod resting locations"... but found nothing.
Fully dressed, I walked back into the bedroom. Again guided by the glow of my cell phone, I surveyed the night stand -- empty. I did a sweep of the bed and -- there it was. Both electronic devices in hand, I crept back out of the bedroom.
The iPod was fully charged, which wouldn't have been the case if I had accidentally not plugged in and somehow left it in bed whilst I slept. I don't recall my alarm having gone off twice (though that doesn't rule out the possibility), however, even if I had hit snooze the first time and fallen back to sleep, I don't remove the iPod until I'm standing; so how did it get in bed, fully-charged?
I'm over 90% certain that I had plugged it in the night before. I remember then taking the iPad, which was lying in my spot, and bringing it around to Jen's night stand. The walk around the bed was enough that my bladder decided I'd need one last stop in the bathroom before attempting slumber. I returned to bed and went to sleep.
It is possible (though not particularly probable) that someone (or something?!) relocated my iPod while I was in the bathroom at night and then returned it to my bed when I was in the bathroom this morning. But who (or what)would do that? Did I wake up in the middle of the night, thinking it was morning, thus unplugging it, then, upon realizing my mistake, went back to bed with it in my hand? I have gotten up too early in the past, but that usually is remembered.
It seems my mind is playing tricks on me. Or perhaps something was changed in the Matrix. That would explain the black cat that walked by twice.
My voice is my passport. Verify me.
I have at least 13 distinct user ids based on "Andrew John Petersen" (that I recall... which is to say nothing about my spam accounts or systems where ids are generated for you using an iterative approach). They generally involve some combination of the following (any of which could be skipped and between any of which there might be periods, dashes, or underscores):
- Prefix (single character, site code, title, iterative number, etc.)
- First name (either full, nickname, substring, or initial)
- Middle name (either full, nickname, substring, or initial)
- Last name (either full, nickname, substring, or initial)
- Suffix (single character, site code, title, iterative number, etc.)
So, when I try to access a site or system for which I know I have an id, the first challenge is figuring out which combination I use in this specific case.
Once I've determined that, I must figure out which password is used.
Assume, as an example, that my desired password is "football". Here are some restrictions I've actually encountered, and an example of the password I might use instead:
a) must contain an uppercase and lowercase letter. --> Football
b) must contain a number. --> f00tball
c) must contain a special character. --> footb@ll
d) must be between 6 and 8 characters. --> football
e) must not contain consecutive digits. --> football
f) must not contain more than 2 sets of repeated characters. --> futbol
And, of course, these rules can be combined.
F00tb@ll would comply with a, b, c, d, and e -- but fails f.
Futb0l would meet a, b, d, e, and f -- but fails c.
I could throw an exclamation point on the end, assuming the site allows them, but the point is that I very quickly have multiple sites/services where I know my password is "football"... but I just don't know how I spelled it.
Some of the rules make sense. I can see wanting to enforce mixed case (a) and alpha-numeric (b) as that brings the character set up to 62 (26 + 26 + 10). Special characters (c) are a mixed bag, as some characters are fine in some systems and disallowed in others.
But requiring a specific length of password (d)? That provides a smaller field of options.
Must not contain consecutive digits (e)? I can see not wanting to allow 12345 (this isn't some idiots luggage), but I once had a password that contained a twelve, which I expressed as "12". Unfortunately, one and two are consecutive digits, so I couldn't use twelve. That's just lame.
Not more than one set of repeated characters (f)? Again, this limits the options, which is the opposite of heightened security. Yeah, you don't want someone to have a string of 8 qs (or qqqq if they're being witty), but "bookkeeper" shouldn't be out of the running... well, unless it's obvious that you like words with lots of double letters, or you happen to be a bookkeeper, but that's not really the point.
All of these different rules eventually result in many people writing down their user ids and passwords, which is the number 1 no-no in terms of security. That brings me to the topic of security questions... but that's a topic for another post.
- Prefix (single character, site code, title, iterative number, etc.)
- First name (either full, nickname, substring, or initial)
- Middle name (either full, nickname, substring, or initial)
- Last name (either full, nickname, substring, or initial)
- Suffix (single character, site code, title, iterative number, etc.)
So, when I try to access a site or system for which I know I have an id, the first challenge is figuring out which combination I use in this specific case.
Once I've determined that, I must figure out which password is used.
Assume, as an example, that my desired password is "football". Here are some restrictions I've actually encountered, and an example of the password I might use instead:
a) must contain an uppercase and lowercase letter. --> Football
b) must contain a number. --> f00tball
c) must contain a special character. --> footb@ll
d) must be between 6 and 8 characters. --> football
e) must not contain consecutive digits. --> football
f) must not contain more than 2 sets of repeated characters. --> futbol
And, of course, these rules can be combined.
F00tb@ll would comply with a, b, c, d, and e -- but fails f.
Futb0l would meet a, b, d, e, and f -- but fails c.
I could throw an exclamation point on the end, assuming the site allows them, but the point is that I very quickly have multiple sites/services where I know my password is "football"... but I just don't know how I spelled it.
Some of the rules make sense. I can see wanting to enforce mixed case (a) and alpha-numeric (b) as that brings the character set up to 62 (26 + 26 + 10). Special characters (c) are a mixed bag, as some characters are fine in some systems and disallowed in others.
But requiring a specific length of password (d)? That provides a smaller field of options.
Must not contain consecutive digits (e)? I can see not wanting to allow 12345 (this isn't some idiots luggage), but I once had a password that contained a twelve, which I expressed as "12". Unfortunately, one and two are consecutive digits, so I couldn't use twelve. That's just lame.
Not more than one set of repeated characters (f)? Again, this limits the options, which is the opposite of heightened security. Yeah, you don't want someone to have a string of 8 qs (or qqqq if they're being witty), but "bookkeeper" shouldn't be out of the running... well, unless it's obvious that you like words with lots of double letters, or you happen to be a bookkeeper, but that's not really the point.
All of these different rules eventually result in many people writing down their user ids and passwords, which is the number 1 no-no in terms of security. That brings me to the topic of security questions... but that's a topic for another post.
Defaulty Behavior
Say what you will about Microsoft, but the fact remains that their operating system and suites of applications are quite prevalent. These apps do many thing well, but some things are downright stupid. Often, applications attempt to "be helpful," assuming a course of action the user might have wanted to take. Typically, there's a pop-up indicating such helpfulness, and the user has the option to select whether or not to accept this assistance. (e.g. Closing an unsaved document... would you like to save? [Oh, yes. Thank you.] Typing "Sund"... do you mean Sunday? [Why, yes. You've just saved me 2 keystrokes {minus the 1 for hitting enter, so really, just 1 key... and you interrupted me in the process... but it's the thought that counts.}])
One generally accepted practice amongst GUI designers is to make the default option either the "most common" or the "least dangerous". With that in mind, I now ask what you think the best default behavior ought to be upon double-clicking a shortcut that doesn't currently point to a target. Such a situation could arise if an executable were moved (either intentionally or not), if a drive was not mapped (either intentionally or not), or if the shortcut path were updated (either intentionally or not). So say, for example, the shortcut is to an application that's on a network drive and, for some reason, you're not connected to the network when you tried to launch a program -- what would make the most sense as a default behavior?
If you said "delete the shortcut" then you've got a promising career out in Silicon Valley...
Really?!? You can't find where the shortcut points, so the "obvious choice" is to simply delete it?
Allow me to take this line of thinking to come comedically hyperbolistic analogous situations.
Your document won't print. Seems the printer is out of paper... should I go ahead and delete the document?
It seems you dialed a wrong number... would you like me to destroy your phone?
I notice your car won't start... shall I blow it up?
Thanks, but no thanks.
One generally accepted practice amongst GUI designers is to make the default option either the "most common" or the "least dangerous". With that in mind, I now ask what you think the best default behavior ought to be upon double-clicking a shortcut that doesn't currently point to a target. Such a situation could arise if an executable were moved (either intentionally or not), if a drive was not mapped (either intentionally or not), or if the shortcut path were updated (either intentionally or not). So say, for example, the shortcut is to an application that's on a network drive and, for some reason, you're not connected to the network when you tried to launch a program -- what would make the most sense as a default behavior?
If you said "delete the shortcut" then you've got a promising career out in Silicon Valley...
Allow me to take this line of thinking to come comedically hyperbolistic analogous situations.
Your document won't print. Seems the printer is out of paper... should I go ahead and delete the document?
It seems you dialed a wrong number... would you like me to destroy your phone?
I notice your car won't start... shall I blow it up?
Thanks, but no thanks.
Disorienting morning
I am asleep.
Suddenly, I am compelled to hit the snooze button on my alarm.
Tired, I open my eyes and see an even number hour followed by 00. It is silent, but it would be after hitting snooze. It feels way too early, but that's often the case in the morning. I'm still making my groggy departure from dreamland when my mind reprocesses the hour, "Wait a second... that's a 4, not a 6."
In a sleepy state, my mind tries its best to figure out what's happened. "Did I dream my alarm and then physically hit the snooze button? Am I dreaming now? Did my alarm get reset to 4 instead of 6?" I test this third theory, hitting the 'set alarm' button and confirming that it was still set for 6:00. I let go of the button and the clock showed 4:00 again.
"Ok, so my alarm wasn't changed... Did Jen poke me because I was snoring and my sleeping brain took that stimulus and responded with 'hit your alarm'?"
At this point I can't be sure 'why' I awoke at 4am, but I am sure that I *am* awake at 4am, and that's no fun. However, I also know that it is 'only' 4am, so I get to go back to sleep.
Seconds later, Melanie semi-sleepwalks into the room. ("Did she make a noise getting out of bed and *that* woke me up?" "Shut up, brain! You're trying to sleep!" "Oh, right. Sorry.") I pull Melanie into bed and set her between Jen and me. Mel snuggles in and goes to sleep. I, on the other hand, now need to go to the bathroom, as all this thinking and moving has initiated the "time to get up" launch sequence. ("Stupid bladder. We're trying to sleep." "Sorry.")
On my way back to bed, I'm desperately hoping that the dog doesn't think he should join in all this fun. Thankfully, he remained silent.
All too soon I experience stimulus and am compelled to hit the snooze button on my alarm.
"Dang it," I think. It's actually 6:00 this time.
Suddenly, I am compelled to hit the snooze button on my alarm.
Tired, I open my eyes and see an even number hour followed by 00. It is silent, but it would be after hitting snooze. It feels way too early, but that's often the case in the morning. I'm still making my groggy departure from dreamland when my mind reprocesses the hour, "Wait a second... that's a 4, not a 6."
In a sleepy state, my mind tries its best to figure out what's happened. "Did I dream my alarm and then physically hit the snooze button? Am I dreaming now? Did my alarm get reset to 4 instead of 6?" I test this third theory, hitting the 'set alarm' button and confirming that it was still set for 6:00. I let go of the button and the clock showed 4:00 again.
"Ok, so my alarm wasn't changed... Did Jen poke me because I was snoring and my sleeping brain took that stimulus and responded with 'hit your alarm'?"
At this point I can't be sure 'why' I awoke at 4am, but I am sure that I *am* awake at 4am, and that's no fun. However, I also know that it is 'only' 4am, so I get to go back to sleep.
Seconds later, Melanie semi-sleepwalks into the room. ("Did she make a noise getting out of bed and *that* woke me up?" "Shut up, brain! You're trying to sleep!" "Oh, right. Sorry.") I pull Melanie into bed and set her between Jen and me. Mel snuggles in and goes to sleep. I, on the other hand, now need to go to the bathroom, as all this thinking and moving has initiated the "time to get up" launch sequence. ("Stupid bladder. We're trying to sleep." "Sorry.")
On my way back to bed, I'm desperately hoping that the dog doesn't think he should join in all this fun. Thankfully, he remained silent.
All too soon I experience stimulus and am compelled to hit the snooze button on my alarm.
"Dang it," I think. It's actually 6:00 this time.
FED up. EXpletive deleted.
I was expecting a package to be delivered. On Monday, when I came home from work, I saw, on my dark green front door, a starkly contrasting white sticker, stating that the delivery person had stopped by, but nobody was present to sign for the package. This was their 1st attempt and they would return for the next 2 business days. It denoted the time of the attempt, 12:25 pm, and described the delivery in the cleverly cryptic code: 2 phones.
My options were to either drive to their warehouse to pick it up myself (which somewhat defeats the purpose of having something delivered) or, to sign the sticker and post it on my door, which would grant them permission to leave my "2 phones" at my door and admonish them of any responsibility for loss, theft, or damage.
Not excited about the prospect of placing a sticker on my door that essentially announces that I will be away from my home all day and that there will be "2 phones" on my steps at some point in the afternoon, but unable to get to the warehouse before they close, and hoping to get this package sooner than later, I decided to proceed with the signed sticker option. They had placed the sticker on the center of my door, slightly below eye level. I decided to place my response in the "slightly less obvious for passers-by" upper right-hand corner. My storm door is mostly window, but the outside edge is opaque, and partially shielded the sticker.
When I returned home on Tuesday, I found a new sticker at eye level on the storm door. It featured the same driver code, a slightly later time, 1:15 pm, a check box in the "2nd attempt" box, and once again requested my signature. Assuming that this driver does not have a gun that can shoot door tags from the street, it would seem that they came all the way up to my door. Presumably, their records would indicate that they should look for a tag on my door. Now, in their defense, there were no stickers on my storm door, but, as you might recall from the first paragraph, their initial communication was posted on my green door, not the storm door. If they had opened the storm door (which they clearly had done on Monday), and were looking on the green door (the very same door on which they posted their sticker) for a sticker bearing my signature, I would be in possession of my "2 phones" (barring, of course, any petty theft subsequent to drop off).
Instead, I am still "2 phone"-less and once again had a sign on the front of my house announcing "nobody's here during business hours". Once again unable to travel to the warehouse before it closed, I was forced to wait another day.
Today, before heading off to work, I put both signed stickers on my green door. Once again slightly obscured by the storm door, however this time placed a bit more to the middle and, with 2 door stickers, hopefully less miss-able.
Will I find a 3rd sticker, perhaps left in my driveway, as the driver couldn't be troubled to go all the way to my door, in fear of actually finding my signature and making the delivery? Will I find my "2 phones"? Will I find no phones, but a set of fresh tracks through the snow from some thief who now has my packages? Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion of 'The Little Delivery Person that Could'.
My options were to either drive to their warehouse to pick it up myself (which somewhat defeats the purpose of having something delivered) or, to sign the sticker and post it on my door, which would grant them permission to leave my "2 phones" at my door and admonish them of any responsibility for loss, theft, or damage.
Not excited about the prospect of placing a sticker on my door that essentially announces that I will be away from my home all day and that there will be "2 phones" on my steps at some point in the afternoon, but unable to get to the warehouse before they close, and hoping to get this package sooner than later, I decided to proceed with the signed sticker option. They had placed the sticker on the center of my door, slightly below eye level. I decided to place my response in the "slightly less obvious for passers-by" upper right-hand corner. My storm door is mostly window, but the outside edge is opaque, and partially shielded the sticker.
When I returned home on Tuesday, I found a new sticker at eye level on the storm door. It featured the same driver code, a slightly later time, 1:15 pm, a check box in the "2nd attempt" box, and once again requested my signature. Assuming that this driver does not have a gun that can shoot door tags from the street, it would seem that they came all the way up to my door. Presumably, their records would indicate that they should look for a tag on my door. Now, in their defense, there were no stickers on my storm door, but, as you might recall from the first paragraph, their initial communication was posted on my green door, not the storm door. If they had opened the storm door (which they clearly had done on Monday), and were looking on the green door (the very same door on which they posted their sticker) for a sticker bearing my signature, I would be in possession of my "2 phones" (barring, of course, any petty theft subsequent to drop off).
Instead, I am still "2 phone"-less and once again had a sign on the front of my house announcing "nobody's here during business hours". Once again unable to travel to the warehouse before it closed, I was forced to wait another day.
Today, before heading off to work, I put both signed stickers on my green door. Once again slightly obscured by the storm door, however this time placed a bit more to the middle and, with 2 door stickers, hopefully less miss-able.
Will I find a 3rd sticker, perhaps left in my driveway, as the driver couldn't be troubled to go all the way to my door, in fear of actually finding my signature and making the delivery? Will I find my "2 phones"? Will I find no phones, but a set of fresh tracks through the snow from some thief who now has my packages? Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion of 'The Little Delivery Person that Could'.
California Dreamin'
I'm driving alone in my car somewhere (the destination isn't important). On the radio, the Mamas and the Papas are singing California Dreamin'. Suddenly, Jen touches my cheek and mumbles something.
Zap!
Instantly, I find myself in bed. I had been dreaming.
I shot up to sitting (just like they do in the movies) and try to assess the situation:
- I was asleep.
- Music was playing in my dream.
- Jen woke me.
"Oh dear," I thought. "I must have overslept, and the alarm has been playing long enough that my mind had incorporated it into my dream and Jen is now trying to wake me so that she can catch a few more minutes of sleep while I scurry off, late to work."
In the very same moment that I'm feeling panic, I realize that the song has stopped. I look to my left - the clock reads 5:45 (my alarm is set for 6:00). I look to my right - Jen is fast asleep, though it appears she has rolled over and her hand is now resting on my pillow.
"Crap!" I think to myself with an exclamation point. I am now exhausted and have adrenaline coursing through my veins.
On the one hand, I'm grateful that Melanie would have let me sleep through to my alarm. (The fact that she kept me up until 2:00 probably had something to do with her subsequently uninterrupted span of slumber.) But, at the same time, I once again find my sleep having been abruptly cut short. Well, at least it's not a Monday, Monday - can't trust that day.
Zap!
Instantly, I find myself in bed. I had been dreaming.
I shot up to sitting (just like they do in the movies) and try to assess the situation:
- I was asleep.
- Music was playing in my dream.
- Jen woke me.
"Oh dear," I thought. "I must have overslept, and the alarm has been playing long enough that my mind had incorporated it into my dream and Jen is now trying to wake me so that she can catch a few more minutes of sleep while I scurry off, late to work."
In the very same moment that I'm feeling panic, I realize that the song has stopped. I look to my left - the clock reads 5:45 (my alarm is set for 6:00). I look to my right - Jen is fast asleep, though it appears she has rolled over and her hand is now resting on my pillow.
"Crap!" I think to myself with an exclamation point. I am now exhausted and have adrenaline coursing through my veins.
On the one hand, I'm grateful that Melanie would have let me sleep through to my alarm. (The fact that she kept me up until 2:00 probably had something to do with her subsequently uninterrupted span of slumber.) But, at the same time, I once again find my sleep having been abruptly cut short. Well, at least it's not a Monday, Monday - can't trust that day.
February 2, 2014: Kids say...aren't you ready for some football?!
Setup: We are watching the Super Bowl. We now join a conversation already in progress.
Jen: ... they would have gotten a touchdown.
Ella: What's a touchdown?
Melanie (indignantly): Ella?!? Literally?
Jen: ... they would have gotten a touchdown.
Ella: What's a touchdown?
Melanie (indignantly): Ella?!? Literally?
July 30, 2013: Kids say...urgent matter to attend to
Setup: It is "get ready for bed” time. No, it's a little past “get ready for bed” time. Melanie(6) is ever so slowly progressing down the bed readiness path when she comes into the kitchen wherein Andy is washing the dishes.
Melanie (importantly/matter-of-factly): Daddy, I need to call GraMarie immediately.
Andy: Why?
Melanie (waiving a pencil with an "isn't it obvious" look on her face): See? [pause] GraMarie's pencil. [pause] She needs it.
Melanie (importantly/matter-of-factly): Daddy, I need to call GraMarie immediately.
Andy: Why?
Melanie (waiving a pencil with an "isn't it obvious" look on her face): See? [pause] GraMarie's pencil. [pause] She needs it.
June 25, 2013: Kids say...Ella hulk
Setup: Ella (8) is doing something against the rules. She's being calmly called out on it and this is not sitting well with her. She's starting to put up a stink, but daddy continues to repeat whatever rule happens to be in play in this case.
Ella: You don't want me to get mad... and I'm getting mad. [angry scowl]
To my knowledge, she is unaware of the Incredible Hulk at this point. I believe she developed this sentiment on her own.
Ella: You don't want me to get mad... and I'm getting mad. [angry scowl]
To my knowledge, she is unaware of the Incredible Hulk at this point. I believe she developed this sentiment on her own.
May 18, 2013: Kids say...disproof
Setup: Getting ready for bed. Melanie (6) is stalling. She asked Jen where she got a tennis ball.
Jen: Magic.
Melanie: No, mommy. It wasn't magic. Daddy got it for you. I'm going to ask Daddy.
(Daddy overheard this exchange.)
(Melanie enters her bedroom.)
Melanie: Daddy, where did Mommy get the tennis ball?
Daddy: It was magic.
Melanie: There's no such thing as "people magic". Only "fairy magic"... and mom is not a fairy.
Q.E.D. :)
Jen: Magic.
Melanie: No, mommy. It wasn't magic. Daddy got it for you. I'm going to ask Daddy.
(Daddy overheard this exchange.)
(Melanie enters her bedroom.)
Melanie: Daddy, where did Mommy get the tennis ball?
Daddy: It was magic.
Melanie: There's no such thing as "people magic". Only "fairy magic"... and mom is not a fairy.
Q.E.D. :)
April 19, 2013: Kids say...notes from Ella
Setup: Ella (8) is in the 3rd grade. One of her responsibilities is to make her lunch for school. She can do most of it by herself, but has yet to attempt knife-work, so the cutting of the bread or the slicing of the cheese still falls to me.
I get home from work and find that Ella has hand written 2 notes for me in orange marker and hung them from the cabinets where I'm sure to see them.
Note 1:
Make me cheese!
Make me cheese!
Make me cheese!
Make me cheese!
Make me cheese!
N O W!
Note 2:
Put it on a
sandwich! Put it
on my sandwich
Put it on my sandwich
DO IT!
-Noella
I get home from work and find that Ella has hand written 2 notes for me in orange marker and hung them from the cabinets where I'm sure to see them.
Note 1:
Make me cheese!
Make me cheese!
Make me cheese!
Make me cheese!
Make me cheese!
N O W!
Note 2:
Put it on a
sandwich! Put it
on my sandwich
Put it on my sandwich
DO IT!
-Noella
February 4, 2013: Kids say...Super Bowl
Setup: Super Bowl Sunday. The girls are finishing up their dinner while the pre-game festivities are wrapping up. They've just announced the teams (Ravens vs 49ers).
Ella (earnestly): You mean the Vikings aren't in the Super Bowl?
Andy (reassuringly): No sweetie. Not this year.
Ella (earnestly): You mean the Vikings aren't in the Super Bowl?
Andy (reassuringly): No sweetie. Not this year.
January 16, 2013: Kids say...glare impaired
Setup: We are having lunch. Ella(8) has had a difficult morning. She's generally grumpy and I've said something that she doesn't like. (Logistical setup: Jen is out shopping, so I'm sitting in mommy's seat, which puts the large picture window behind me. It is a sunny day.)
Ella (grumpy voice; sulking face): I can't see you. I want to glare at you, but I can't because of the light.
Ella (grumpy voice; sulking face): I can't see you. I want to glare at you, but I can't because of the light.
January 11, 2013: Kids say...Melanie'ism
Setup: We were watching Brave. At one point, the scene showed a bow and some arrows. Melanie(5.75) made a comment about the show.
Melanie: ... arrows and an arrow blaster.
Just another Melanie-ism. I love the way her mind works.
Melanie: ... arrows and an arrow blaster.
Just another Melanie-ism. I love the way her mind works.
December 23, 2012: Kids say...children's sermon
Setup: Children's sermon at church. Melanie(5.5) and Ella(8) both went up to listen.
Pastor Michelle: Who loves you?
Kids (collectively): Mommy. Daddy. Grandma. Grandpa. Brothers and sisters.
(pause)
Pastor Michelle: Anyone else?
Ella: My piano teacher.
Unfortunately, Heather Nelson was out of the sanctuary preparing for the next musical piece.
Pastor Michelle: Who loves you?
Kids (collectively): Mommy. Daddy. Grandma. Grandpa. Brothers and sisters.
(pause)
Pastor Michelle: Anyone else?
Ella: My piano teacher.
Unfortunately, Heather Nelson was out of the sanctuary preparing for the next musical piece.
December 23, 2012: Kids say...Melanie'ism
Setup: It's December 21st. We will be having the Gravdahl Christmas gathering on the 23rd. Melanie(5.5) is aware of this. We are riding home in the van.
Melanie (singing): Only 2 days until fake Christmas...
There's no particular tune to this number, but I love that she's coined the term "fake Christmas". :)
Melanie (singing): Only 2 days until fake Christmas...
There's no particular tune to this number, but I love that she's coined the term "fake Christmas". :)
November 19, 2012: Kids say...Worst. Hiding place. Ever.
Setup: It is a Wednesday evening at church. Ella (8) is at piano. Melanie (5) is playing Hide and Seek with Jen and me. We've limited our play area to the social hall and the open space outside the main office. There are very few actual places to hide. It is Melanie's turn and both mommy and daddy are to hide.
Andy [Lays on some chairs around a circular table, hoping the chairs on the other side are making a barrier.]
Melanie: Ready or not, here I come.
[enters the room]
Melanie: Found you, daddy. Worst; hiding place; ever.
So far as I know, she has never been introduced to Comic Book Guy. I'm not sure where she picked up the phrase, but it was perfectly executed.
Andy [Lays on some chairs around a circular table, hoping the chairs on the other side are making a barrier.]
Melanie: Ready or not, here I come.
[enters the room]
Melanie: Found you, daddy. Worst; hiding place; ever.
So far as I know, she has never been introduced to Comic Book Guy. I'm not sure where she picked up the phrase, but it was perfectly executed.
September 27, 2012: Kids say...not Iowa
Setup: We are watching the Olympics. The announcer stated that the current competitor is from Ireland. Melanie (5) misheard this and proclaimed the following.
Melanie: I'm so not cheering for Iowa.
This is fun on a few levels. First, Melanie was a bit jingoistic in her cheering in general so this wasn't her first dig at another "country". Secondly, the interchangeability of states and countries. And thirdly, the dig on our neighboring state.
Melanie: I'm so not cheering for Iowa.
This is fun on a few levels. First, Melanie was a bit jingoistic in her cheering in general so this wasn't her first dig at another "country". Secondly, the interchangeability of states and countries. And thirdly, the dig on our neighboring state.
September 17, 2012: Kids say...prank call
Setup: Melanie (5) is reading an Arthur book. One of the characters is making prank phone calls.
Melanie (reading): Is your refrigerator working? You better go catch it. [laughter].
At this point in her reading development, she’s fully capable of sounding out words, but much prefers to use context clues and memory to guess what the words should be. Useful skills, to be sure, but she does need to hone her “actual reading” ability as well. In this case, I’m guessing is that she remembered the story having been read to her before. “Running” and “working” are functionally equivalent in the isolated sentence. After the second sentence, you laugh. Nice try, sneaky one, but I’m wise to your ways.
Melanie (reading): Is your refrigerator working? You better go catch it. [laughter].
At this point in her reading development, she’s fully capable of sounding out words, but much prefers to use context clues and memory to guess what the words should be. Useful skills, to be sure, but she does need to hone her “actual reading” ability as well. In this case, I’m guessing is that she remembered the story having been read to her before. “Running” and “working” are functionally equivalent in the isolated sentence. After the second sentence, you laugh. Nice try, sneaky one, but I’m wise to your ways.
August 13, 2012: Kids say...orthodontic appliance
Setup: Melanie(5) has an "orthodontic appliance" (which, by the way, is a particularly cute thing for a 5 year old with said appliance to tell you). We are in the van, headed to a relative's house and, for seemingly no specific reason, she asks the following.
Melanie: Can God understand me with this thing in my mouth?
Melanie: Can God understand me with this thing in my mouth?
July 18, 2012: Kids say...Melanie'isms
Setup: We're going for our evening walk/bike ride. Melanie (5 - and without training wheels, btw) stops at the corner as instructed.
<A car comes to the intersection and turns, without a signal.>
Melanie [indignant]: That car didn't use it's turning whistle.
I share this story mostly to capture the Melanie-ism "Turning whistle." Another one I didn't witness first-hand, and thus, don't have an accurate transcript for, is "Northern Python" -- that is the type of fish Uncle Dan was trying to catch up at Brookside. :)
<A car comes to the intersection and turns, without a signal.>
Melanie [indignant]: That car didn't use it's turning whistle.
I share this story mostly to capture the Melanie-ism "Turning whistle." Another one I didn't witness first-hand, and thus, don't have an accurate transcript for, is "Northern Python" -- that is the type of fish Uncle Dan was trying to catch up at Brookside. :)
March 25, 2012: Kids say...Pie Jesu
Setup: Ella (7) and Melanie (5) are sitting in a pew with Grandpa Vince. Jen and Heather Nelson are singing Pie Jesu (and knocking it out of the park, by the way).
Melanie: (Clearly mouthing the Latin in synch with Jen.)
Noella: (Looks up from her activity book and stares at Jen, jaw drops, and a big beaming smile is plastered on her face.)
Melanie: (Clearly mouthing the Latin in synch with Jen.)
Noella: (Looks up from her activity book and stares at Jen, jaw drops, and a big beaming smile is plastered on her face.)
March 5, 2012: Kids say...date tricks
Setup: Noella(7) is doing some homework.
Noella: Dad, what's the date today?
Andy: March 4th.
<Noella writes on her paper.>
Noella: Dad... if it were 2005, the date would be “counting”: 3/4/5.
Andy: Nice observation. When will we have a "counting day" this year?
<Noella thinks for a while.>
Noella: October 11th.
Andy: Good job. And next year?
<Short pause.>
Noella: November 12th.
Andy: And the next year?
<Almost no pause.>
Noella: December 13th.
Andy: And what about the next year?
Noella: There isn't one.
Andy: That's right. This is pretty special, isn't it?
Noella: Yeah.
<Brief pause.>
Andy: What's special about today?
Noella: It's Sunday?
Andy: No, I mean about the numbers.
Noella [puzzled]: They add up to 7?
Andy: That's true, but can you use 3 and 4 to get to 12?
Noella [epiphany]: 3 times 4 is 12. And 4 times 3 is also 12.
I love that Ella is "seeing math in the wild". It's not unexpected, given both nature and nurture, but it still brings a smile to my face.
Noella: Dad, what's the date today?
Andy: March 4th.
<Noella writes on her paper.>
Noella: Dad... if it were 2005, the date would be “counting”: 3/4/5.
Andy: Nice observation. When will we have a "counting day" this year?
<Noella thinks for a while.>
Noella: October 11th.
Andy: Good job. And next year?
<Short pause.>
Noella: November 12th.
Andy: And the next year?
<Almost no pause.>
Noella: December 13th.
Andy: And what about the next year?
Noella: There isn't one.
Andy: That's right. This is pretty special, isn't it?
Noella: Yeah.
<Brief pause.>
Andy: What's special about today?
Noella: It's Sunday?
Andy: No, I mean about the numbers.
Noella [puzzled]: They add up to 7?
Andy: That's true, but can you use 3 and 4 to get to 12?
Noella [epiphany]: 3 times 4 is 12. And 4 times 3 is also 12.
I love that Ella is "seeing math in the wild". It's not unexpected, given both nature and nurture, but it still brings a smile to my face.
August 26, 2011: Kids say...just the facts, ma'am
Setup: Ella(7.000. It's her birthday!) and Melanie(4.5 or "almost 5" if you hear her say it) have discovered a bird that flew into our window and now lays dead on our driveway.
[All said completely factually. No sorrow. Just the facts, ma'am.]
Melanie: The bird is cute... but he's dead.
Melanie: He should be in heaven... but he's in our hopscotch.
Melanie: I want to play hopscotch.
It was touch-and-go for a moment there. It had never really occurred to me that Melanie probably thinks her entire dog is in heaven. I'm not quite sure she'd grasp the concept of a soul yet.
[All said completely factually. No sorrow. Just the facts, ma'am.]
Melanie: The bird is cute... but he's dead.
Melanie: He should be in heaven... but he's in our hopscotch.
Melanie: I want to play hopscotch.
It was touch-and-go for a moment there. It had never really occurred to me that Melanie probably thinks her entire dog is in heaven. I'm not quite sure she'd grasp the concept of a soul yet.
July 25, 2011: Kids say...allergy envy
Setup: We had just returned from a visit to a house with cats. Noella (6) appears to have a cat allergy (just like mommy). Melanie (4) approaches daddy and asks:
Melanie: Daddy are you allergic to cats? 'Cause mommy and Ella are and I'm feeling kinda left out.
Melanie: Daddy are you allergic to cats? 'Cause mommy and Ella are and I'm feeling kinda left out.
July 17, 2011: Kids say...This Little Light of Mine
Setup: Noella (6) and Melanie (4) were singing "This Little Light of Mine"
Both [singing]: Don't let Saint Nick pbbt it out. I'm gonna let it shine.
Andy [after they've finished]: Girls, it's actually "Satan", not "Saint Nick".
<They continue singing. Later, Ella stops and announces:>
Ella: Actually Saint Nick makes sense. He doesn't like fire.
Both [singing]: Don't let Saint Nick pbbt it out. I'm gonna let it shine.
Andy [after they've finished]: Girls, it's actually "Satan", not "Saint Nick".
<They continue singing. Later, Ella stops and announces:>
Ella: Actually Saint Nick makes sense. He doesn't like fire.
June 23, 2011: Kids say...no wonder I'm so tired
Setup: Jen had just come upstairs to get ready for bed. She discovers that Ella (6) has been awake a few times with diarrhea (but has managed to deal with it silently -- what a trooper). Ella is very concerned about missing a VBS field trip.
Noella: Mommy, even if I wasn't sick, I couldn't go, because it's after 9:30...
Jen: Oh, sweetie. It's 10:30 at night. Mommy hasn't even gone to bed yet.
Noella: Oh... No wonder I'm so tired.
Noella: Mommy, even if I wasn't sick, I couldn't go, because it's after 9:30...
Jen: Oh, sweetie. It's 10:30 at night. Mommy hasn't even gone to bed yet.
Noella: Oh... No wonder I'm so tired.
June 21, 2011: Kids say...dog hug
This following was equal parts disturbing and hilarious.
Setup: Melanie (4) is playing with Neo, our 9 year old, 6 pound, neutered, Maltese.
Melanie [pats the floor]: 'whistles' (says "whoo-hoo").
<Neo approaches, climbs on Melanie's leg... and begins humping.>
Melanie [giggling]: He's hugging my leg.
Oh, sweetie. I suppose he is. It seems Neo may be trying his luck raising stock on the dominance hierarchy. We'll put an end to that, but seeing that 6 pound ball of furry fury... so wrong, but so funny.
Setup: Melanie (4) is playing with Neo, our 9 year old, 6 pound, neutered, Maltese.
Melanie [pats the floor]: 'whistles' (says "whoo-hoo").
<Neo approaches, climbs on Melanie's leg... and begins humping.>
Melanie [giggling]: He's hugging my leg.
Oh, sweetie. I suppose he is. It seems Neo may be trying his luck raising stock on the dominance hierarchy. We'll put an end to that, but seeing that 6 pound ball of furry fury... so wrong, but so funny.
June 8, 2011: Kids say...does anybody really know what time it is?
Setup: Melanie (4) is getting ready for bed.
Melanie: Daddy, what time is it?
Andy: I can't see the clock from here.
Melanie (looks at digital clock): I can. It says Fifth twenty-one... I mean... seven twenty-eight... I mean... I don't know how to read a clock.
Melanie: Daddy, what time is it?
Andy: I can't see the clock from here.
Melanie (looks at digital clock): I can. It says Fifth twenty-one... I mean... seven twenty-eight... I mean... I don't know how to read a clock.
June 3, 2011: Kids say...a message from mommy
Setup: It's an on-call day and I'm working in the basement. Jen had been up in the middle of the night, but was asleep when my alarm went off. I am trying to keep the girls quiet. Melanie (4) is sitting with me while I work. I reach a point in my tasks where I'm almost ready to head into the office.
Andy: Ok, sweetie. It's time to go upstairs. Daddy wants to check on mommy.
Melanie: Mommy wants to sleep until 7:30...
Andy: Well, it's after 7:30 now.
Melanie: ... she told me to tell you that.
Andy: Oh. But you didn't tell me that.
Melanie: I did now.
Andy: Thank you, dear. Did she want me to wake her up at 7:30?
Melanie: No.
Andy: But she told you to tell me that she wants to sleep?
Melanie: No.
Andy: Ok. Let's try again. When you went into mommy's room, what did she say?
Melanie: She wanted to sleep until 7:30.
Andy: Did she say anything else?
Melanie: No.
Andy: So, she didn't ask you to tell me?
Melanie: No, she did ask me to tell you.
Andy: So, she did ask you to tell me?
Melanie: Yes.
Andy: Did she tell you anything else?
Melanie: No.
Andy: Are you sure?
Melanie: Yes.
I know I don't have the exact exchange, as we looped through a few more times, but that's the basic flavor of it. I would have loved her to have answered "third base" at some point in there.
Andy: Ok, sweetie. It's time to go upstairs. Daddy wants to check on mommy.
Melanie: Mommy wants to sleep until 7:30...
Andy: Well, it's after 7:30 now.
Melanie: ... she told me to tell you that.
Andy: Oh. But you didn't tell me that.
Melanie: I did now.
Andy: Thank you, dear. Did she want me to wake her up at 7:30?
Melanie: No.
Andy: But she told you to tell me that she wants to sleep?
Melanie: No.
Andy: Ok. Let's try again. When you went into mommy's room, what did she say?
Melanie: She wanted to sleep until 7:30.
Andy: Did she say anything else?
Melanie: No.
Andy: So, she didn't ask you to tell me?
Melanie: No, she did ask me to tell you.
Andy: So, she did ask you to tell me?
Melanie: Yes.
Andy: Did she tell you anything else?
Melanie: No.
Andy: Are you sure?
Melanie: Yes.
I know I don't have the exact exchange, as we looped through a few more times, but that's the basic flavor of it. I would have loved her to have answered "third base" at some point in there.
May 19, 2011: Kids say...I don't think that means what you think it means
Setup: The girls are eating dinner. I'm in the kitchen preparing more food.
Melanie (4) [out of the blue and matter-of-factly]: Daddy, you have a big crotch.
Andy: Excuse me?!?
Melanie [politely]: You have a big crotch. <pause> Crotch means "butt."
Andy: Oh... so, you're saying I have a big butt?
Melanie [happily]: Yeah.
Andy: Thank you.
Melanie: You're welcome.
Melanie (4) [out of the blue and matter-of-factly]: Daddy, you have a big crotch.
Andy: Excuse me?!?
Melanie [politely]: You have a big crotch. <pause> Crotch means "butt."
Andy: Oh... so, you're saying I have a big butt?
Melanie [happily]: Yeah.
Andy: Thank you.
Melanie: You're welcome.
April 18, 2011: Kids say...You're wrong, daddy
Setup: The girls are getting out of the car at home.
Melanie: Who is Jesus' sister? (or "Does Jesus have a sister?" or something about Jesus and his sister.)
Andy: Jesus doesn't have a sister.
Melanie: You're wrong daddy. I'm Jesus' sister.
Andy: Oh?
Melanie: When they put the water on our head... we were brothers and sisters of Jesus.
Andy: Wow.
Melanie: We're in God's family and Ella and I are Jesus' sister.
I love that she's paying attention in church. I love how confidently she announced "you're wrong daddy" (Though, I hope that argument isn't over-generalized.) :)
Melanie: Who is Jesus' sister? (or "Does Jesus have a sister?" or something about Jesus and his sister.)
Andy: Jesus doesn't have a sister.
Melanie: You're wrong daddy. I'm Jesus' sister.
Andy: Oh?
Melanie: When they put the water on our head... we were brothers and sisters of Jesus.
Andy: Wow.
Melanie: We're in God's family and Ella and I are Jesus' sister.
I love that she's paying attention in church. I love how confidently she announced "you're wrong daddy" (Though, I hope that argument isn't over-generalized.) :)
April 18, 2011: Kids say...philosophical stalling
Setup: It's after bedtime. Melanie (4) has gotten up to use the bathroom. This is one of several stalling techniques she's employed at this point.
Melanie: Can God see us even when we potty?
Andy [not an exact transcript]: Well, sweetie. God can see everybody all the time. I don't think God is staring at you while you potty, but God *is* everywhere. You can talk to God anytime you want. Some people even pray on the potty, because they're alone with God. [I then steered conversation to prayer, which is something that is often done in bed... which is where you're supposed to be right now... please wash your hands and get back to bed.]
Melanie: Can God see us even when we potty?
Andy [not an exact transcript]: Well, sweetie. God can see everybody all the time. I don't think God is staring at you while you potty, but God *is* everywhere. You can talk to God anytime you want. Some people even pray on the potty, because they're alone with God. [I then steered conversation to prayer, which is something that is often done in bed... which is where you're supposed to be right now... please wash your hands and get back to bed.]
April 4, 2011: Kids say...the Force is strong with this one
This was a "do" rather than a "say".
Setup: We are walking to our car in a parking lot. Jen is holding hands with Melanie (4) and Ella (6) and I are a little way behind them. There's an opening in the line of cars close to the building, so Jen and Mel start to cross.
As they are crossing, there is a car approaching slowly from Mel's side. She holds up her hand in a stiff arm position to ward off the car.
It was just so cute to see this small little girl commanding a giant car to be still. She didn't panic. She didn't stop. She just held Jen with one hand, and the car at bay with the other.
Setup: We are walking to our car in a parking lot. Jen is holding hands with Melanie (4) and Ella (6) and I are a little way behind them. There's an opening in the line of cars close to the building, so Jen and Mel start to cross.
As they are crossing, there is a car approaching slowly from Mel's side. She holds up her hand in a stiff arm position to ward off the car.
It was just so cute to see this small little girl commanding a giant car to be still. She didn't panic. She didn't stop. She just held Jen with one hand, and the car at bay with the other.
March 17, 2011: Kids say...not quite "the talk"
Setup: Melanie (4 days from 4) and Noella (6) are talking with Jen. The topic turned to why daddy only has a brother (and not a sister).
Jen: ... God picked those two boys for GraMarie and Papa, because they would be good parents for those two boys. And God gave us two girls, because that was perfect for us. You're a miracle.
Melanie: How did God put us here? Did he put us through the roof?
Jen : No sweetie. You didn't go through the roof. You grew in mommy's tummy.
<brief pause>
Melanie: But how does God put a baby in your tummy, mommy?
<brief pause>
Noella: I don't think anybody knows that part.
<brief pause>
Melanie: I think mommy and daddy know.
<brief pause>
Jen was able to give an answer that they accepted that didn't really get into the mechanics.
Each of those pauses was filled simultaneously with the desire to bust out laughing as well as the awkward concern of trying to determine how much we need to explain to a 4 year old who just asked if God puts babies through roofs. It's cute that Melanie seems to be further along this path. (I'm curious how soon she'll question the logistics of a magical candy-bearing bunny.) :)
Jen: ... God picked those two boys for GraMarie and Papa, because they would be good parents for those two boys. And God gave us two girls, because that was perfect for us. You're a miracle.
Melanie: How did God put us here? Did he put us through the roof?
Jen : No sweetie. You didn't go through the roof. You grew in mommy's tummy.
<brief pause>
Melanie: But how does God put a baby in your tummy, mommy?
<brief pause>
Noella: I don't think anybody knows that part.
<brief pause>
Melanie: I think mommy and daddy know.
<brief pause>
Jen was able to give an answer that they accepted that didn't really get into the mechanics.
Each of those pauses was filled simultaneously with the desire to bust out laughing as well as the awkward concern of trying to determine how much we need to explain to a 4 year old who just asked if God puts babies through roofs. It's cute that Melanie seems to be further along this path. (I'm curious how soon she'll question the logistics of a magical candy-bearing bunny.) :)
March 8, 2011: Kids say...good answer
Setup: We're discussing family relationships. Noella (6) had initiated the conversation, though Melanie (4) is within earshot.
Jen (to Ella): What makes a great grandmother?
Melanie: God.
Jen (to Ella): What makes a great grandmother?
Melanie: God.
January 24, 2011: Kids say...the ball game
Setup: The girls are taking turns playing Wii Fit Plus. Melanie(3.75) is next.
Melanie: I want to play the ball game.
Andy: This one? (Highlighting Soccer Headding [heading soccer balls].)
Melanie: No... The ball game.
Andy: Oh. This one? (Highlighting Table Tilt [rolling marbles into holes].)
Melanie(a bit frustrated): No, daddy. The *ball game*. The one next to it.
[Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.]
Andy: This one?!? (Highlighting Ski Jump.)
Melanie(satisfied): Yes. That one.
And suddenly it all makes sense... When she ski jumps, she never times the jump correctly, so her character rolls down the hill... in a giant snowball. And that's the ball game.
Melanie: I want to play the ball game.
Andy: This one? (Highlighting Soccer Headding [heading soccer balls].)
Melanie: No... The ball game.
Andy: Oh. This one? (Highlighting Table Tilt [rolling marbles into holes].)
Melanie(a bit frustrated): No, daddy. The *ball game*. The one next to it.
[Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.]
Andy: This one?!? (Highlighting Ski Jump.)
Melanie(satisfied): Yes. That one.
And suddenly it all makes sense... When she ski jumps, she never times the jump correctly, so her character rolls down the hill... in a giant snowball. And that's the ball game.
January 6, 2011: Kids say...Fairy Riddler
Setup: Bedtime. Reading "Dear Tooth Fairy" with Melanie(3.75). She's pulled out the little fold up Fairy Riddler and is trying her best to quiz me.
Melanie: Pick a number.
Andy: Fourteen.
Melanie: One. Two... No, Daddy. That number's not there.
Andy: Oh. Sorry. Nine. (Which he knows also isn't there.)
Melanie: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine.
[As she does this, she's closing her fingers which makes the paper game munch like a Pac Man. She doesn't have the bidirectional motion down at all, but, as far as she can tell, she's doing it exactly like Daddy does it. :) ]
Melanie: Pick a fairy.
Andy: The Blue one.
[More chomping.]
Melanie: Pick a fairy.
Andy: The Green one.
[Melanie opens up the puzzle. There are pictures along with the questions.]
Melanie("reading"): When does the water splash up onto the shore?
Andy(taking a guess based on the picture): At night.
Melanie: No. When the water splashes up *onto* the shore.
Andy: Oooh. Well, I can't argue with that. Good question, sweetie.
I can't truly capture the distinction in meter and tone of voice between the question and answer here, but there was a bit of a pause and definite emphasis at the *onto* in the answer.
Melanie: Pick a number.
Andy: Fourteen.
Melanie: One. Two... No, Daddy. That number's not there.
Andy: Oh. Sorry. Nine. (Which he knows also isn't there.)
Melanie: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine.
[As she does this, she's closing her fingers which makes the paper game munch like a Pac Man. She doesn't have the bidirectional motion down at all, but, as far as she can tell, she's doing it exactly like Daddy does it. :) ]
Melanie: Pick a fairy.
Andy: The Blue one.
[More chomping.]
Melanie: Pick a fairy.
Andy: The Green one.
[Melanie opens up the puzzle. There are pictures along with the questions.]
Melanie("reading"): When does the water splash up onto the shore?
Andy(taking a guess based on the picture): At night.
Melanie: No. When the water splashes up *onto* the shore.
Andy: Oooh. Well, I can't argue with that. Good question, sweetie.
I can't truly capture the distinction in meter and tone of voice between the question and answer here, but there was a bit of a pause and definite emphasis at the *onto* in the answer.
December 9, 2010: Kids say...bustin' caps
Setup: We're at Davanni's playing Blokus while awaiting our pizza. Andy placed his U piece around the end of one of Ella's (6) pieces.
Andy: Yup, you were expanding into my area, so I put a cap on the end of your piece.
[Later, Ella uses the same technique on me.]
Ella: You were getting in my way, so I capped you.
Melanie: Yeah, Ella. You capped daddy.
Andy: Yup, you were expanding into my area, so I put a cap on the end of your piece.
[Later, Ella uses the same technique on me.]
Ella: You were getting in my way, so I capped you.
Melanie: Yeah, Ella. You capped daddy.
December 9, 2010: Kids say...anybody know the lyrics?
Setup: Little Lambs (church children's choir - 1st and 2nd graders) rehearsal. Prepping for Christmas.
Cory (director): Ok. Does anybody know the words to Hark the Herald Angels Sing?
[choir - mixture of shrugs and raised hands.]
[they practice the song]
Cory: All right. Does anybody know Joy to the World?
[choir - again a mixture of shrugs and raised hands.]
Cory: Yes, Ella.
Noella(6): Jeremiah was a bullfrog! Was a good friend of mine! :)
Ok, so that last part didn't happen outside of my mind, but, man, wouldn't that have been great?
Cory (director): Ok. Does anybody know the words to Hark the Herald Angels Sing?
[choir - mixture of shrugs and raised hands.]
[they practice the song]
Cory: All right. Does anybody know Joy to the World?
[choir - again a mixture of shrugs and raised hands.]
Cory: Yes, Ella.
Noella(6): Jeremiah was a bullfrog! Was a good friend of mine! :)
Ok, so that last part didn't happen outside of my mind, but, man, wouldn't that have been great?
December 4, 2010: Kids say...I'm not dead yet
Setup: Dinner just finished. The girls want to go play.
Melanie (to Ella): Wanna play dead?
Ella: Ok. I just need to find my gun.
Andy: Girls... I don't like this game. We're not going to play "dead". You can play "doctor" and be "sick", but you're not going to play "dead" and there will be no guns.
Melanie: Ok. We'll play doctor. I'll be dead.
Andy: Girls. You're not going to play "dead".
Ella: Can we play "dying"?
Melanie (to Ella): Wanna play dead?
Ella: Ok. I just need to find my gun.
Andy: Girls... I don't like this game. We're not going to play "dead". You can play "doctor" and be "sick", but you're not going to play "dead" and there will be no guns.
Melanie: Ok. We'll play doctor. I'll be dead.
Andy: Girls. You're not going to play "dead".
Ella: Can we play "dying"?
October 27, 2010: Kids say...I don't remember sleeping
Setup: Andy's kenneling up Neo before heading out to work. Noella (6) is awake.
Noella (tired, breathy, and somewhat whiny): Daddy... I'm sooo tired... I didn't sleep at all.
Andy (quietly): Oh, sweetie. Right after you wake up, you'll still be tired because you haven't moved around at all to get going. And, I know you slept; I saw you.
Noella: But I don't remember sleeping.
She makes a good point. You can never "remember sleeping." I recall dreaming, which happens when I'm asleep (but I've also daydreamed, which is more of a trance-like wake state). I know I've tossed and turned in "restless sleep," but the part I remember -- I wasn't asleep. I've certainly been tired and sleepy, but I have no memories of "being asleep".
Noella (tired, breathy, and somewhat whiny): Daddy... I'm sooo tired... I didn't sleep at all.
Andy (quietly): Oh, sweetie. Right after you wake up, you'll still be tired because you haven't moved around at all to get going. And, I know you slept; I saw you.
Noella: But I don't remember sleeping.
She makes a good point. You can never "remember sleeping." I recall dreaming, which happens when I'm asleep (but I've also daydreamed, which is more of a trance-like wake state). I know I've tossed and turned in "restless sleep," but the part I remember -- I wasn't asleep. I've certainly been tired and sleepy, but I have no memories of "being asleep".
September 21, 2010: Kids say...Melanie whistling
Setup: We're on the deck eating dinner. Melanie (3.5) is a bit distracted.
Melanie: (howling) Ahhhwoooooooo. Ahhhwoooooooo. I'm whistling.
[seconds later]
Melanie: (still howling) Ahhhwoooooooo. Ahhhwoooooooo. I'm a bird... like an owl.
Melanie: (howling) Ahhhwoooooooo. Ahhhwoooooooo. I'm whistling.
[seconds later]
Melanie: (still howling) Ahhhwoooooooo. Ahhhwoooooooo. I'm a bird... like an owl.
September 18, 2010: Kids say...unprompted prayer
Setup: Breakfast. I've just handed the girls their bagels and am preparing my own. Melanie (3.5), with no prompting, closes her eyes and quietly says the following.
Melanie: Thank you Lord; for mommy and daddy; and for Natalie and Anya. Amen.
Melanie: Thank you Lord; for mommy and daddy; and for Natalie and Anya. Amen.
September 17, 2010: Kids say...I'll have another fry
Setup: We're eating in our van at an A&W. Ella (6) and Jen (29*) are in the front seats. Melanie (3.5) and Andy (33, though I doubt you really care) are in the next seats back. Melanie is holding her burger. Andy is in charge of the mug full of "Root Beard" (as Melanie cutely calls it) and the bag of french fries. Melanie's been on a long string of fries and neglecting her burger a bit.
Andy: Ok. One more fry, but your next bite will be burger.
Melanie: No. I'll have another fry.
Andy: No, sweetie, you need to eat some more burger.
[Melanie walks around her chair and returns with a fry from the cup holder where she'd apparently been storing some of her previously obtained fries.]
Melanie (proudly holding a new fry): No. I'll have another fry.
[Check and mate.]
Andy: Ok. One more fry, but your next bite will be burger.
Melanie: No. I'll have another fry.
Andy: No, sweetie, you need to eat some more burger.
[Melanie walks around her chair and returns with a fry from the cup holder where she'd apparently been storing some of her previously obtained fries.]
Melanie (proudly holding a new fry): No. I'll have another fry.
[Check and mate.]
August 31, 2010: Kids say...cute duet
Setup: Noella (6) and Melanie (3.5) love singing. Many song snippets are from Vacation Bible School, a PBS Kids show, one of their CD's, or something they've heard somewhere. Also, there are many Ella and Melanie Originals. I'm not sure of the origins of this particular song (and I can't recall the line right after, represented with das in an attempt to catch the meter), but it keeps repeating.
Noella (singing): Uuuuuup and at'em. ?da-DA da-DA da-DA-DA-DA?
Melanie (echoing): Ooooooh banana. ?da-DA da-DA da-DA-DA-DA?
Noella (singing): Uuuuuup and at'em. ?da-DA da-DA da-DA-DA-DA?
Melanie (echoing): Ooooooh banana. ?da-DA da-DA da-DA-DA-DA?
August 26, 2010: Kids say...Olivia
Setup: Melanie (3.5) is at a park, carrying her plush Eeyore doll. She encounters another girl who appears to be about the same age.
Melanie: This is my dog, Olivia.
This is just one of the very, very many Olivias in her arsenal of dolls.
Melanie: This is my dog, Olivia.
This is just one of the very, very many Olivias in her arsenal of dolls.
August 8, 2010: Kids say...Melanie's got plans
Setup: Melanie (3.5) has crawled into bed one Saturday morning. After wiggling around a bit in an attempt to find a comfortable spot the following transpires.
Melanie: (annoyed) Mom... when is daddy going to leave?
Jen: (amused) Do you know what day it is? It's Saturday. Do you know what happens on Saturday?
Melanie: (excited) We get to see GraMarie!
Follow-up - we were not, in fact, going to see GraMarie. Furthermore, there had been no mention of GraMarie. It was just her out-of-the-blue guess as to what we ought to be doing on a Saturday.
Melanie: (annoyed) Mom... when is daddy going to leave?
Jen: (amused) Do you know what day it is? It's Saturday. Do you know what happens on Saturday?
Melanie: (excited) We get to see GraMarie!
Follow-up - we were not, in fact, going to see GraMarie. Furthermore, there had been no mention of GraMarie. It was just her out-of-the-blue guess as to what we ought to be doing on a Saturday.
July 26, 2010: Kids say...breakfast order
Setup: Breakfast. Melanie (3) has finished her banana and is moving on to the cereal round.
Andy: Would you like Fruity Cheerios...?
Melanie: No.
Andy: ... would you like Chex...?
Melanie: Yes. ONLY Chex.
Andy: Ok. Only Chex. Do you want all three kinds...?
Melanie: Yes. All three. Only Chex.
Andy: Alrighty. "Only Chex, all three kinds" coming right up.
Melanie: And Cheerios.
Andy: Of course. "Only" Chex... and Cheerios.
[Andy retrieves the cereal from the cupboard and begins pouring into Melanie's bowl.]
Melanie: I wanted Cheerios.
Andy: Yes, sweetie, but I'm pouring the "all three kinds only Chex" first.
Melanie: Oh. [points to the Wheat Chex] And not that one.
Andy: Sure. Only Chex, all three kinds, and Cheerios, and not that one. Got it.
Andy: Would you like Fruity Cheerios...?
Melanie: No.
Andy: ... would you like Chex...?
Melanie: Yes. ONLY Chex.
Andy: Ok. Only Chex. Do you want all three kinds...?
Melanie: Yes. All three. Only Chex.
Andy: Alrighty. "Only Chex, all three kinds" coming right up.
Melanie: And Cheerios.
Andy: Of course. "Only" Chex... and Cheerios.
[Andy retrieves the cereal from the cupboard and begins pouring into Melanie's bowl.]
Melanie: I wanted Cheerios.
Andy: Yes, sweetie, but I'm pouring the "all three kinds only Chex" first.
Melanie: Oh. [points to the Wheat Chex] And not that one.
Andy: Sure. Only Chex, all three kinds, and Cheerios, and not that one. Got it.
July 20, 2010: Kids say...but... context?
Setup: Shortly after arriving at work, I get an "I miss daddy" phone call from Melanie (3).
Melanie: I still love you but... why aren't you home?
Great use of but. Later in the same call (and seemingly out of nowhere)...
Melanie: Some people are in heaven... but Grama Mona made Raggedy Ann.
Jen later got a turn on the phone and explained the context (a discussion that eventually meandered to listing some people in heaven, Melanie suggested Grama Mona, Jen informed her this wasn't the case and tried to remind Melanie who Grama Mona is), but still 2 adorable uses of but.
Melanie: I still love you but... why aren't you home?
Great use of but. Later in the same call (and seemingly out of nowhere)...
Melanie: Some people are in heaven... but Grama Mona made Raggedy Ann.
Jen later got a turn on the phone and explained the context (a discussion that eventually meandered to listing some people in heaven, Melanie suggested Grama Mona, Jen informed her this wasn't the case and tried to remind Melanie who Grama Mona is), but still 2 adorable uses of but.
July 14, 2010: Kids say...a bushel and a peck...
Setup: Melanie (3) was snuggling with Jen after dinner.
Melanie (singing): I love you... a bushel and a heck... a bushel and a heck... and a hug around your neck.
Melanie (singing): I love you... a bushel and a heck... a bushel and a heck... and a hug around your neck.
June 11, 2010: Kids say...Ella's typing
Setup: Ella (5 and a recent kindergarten graduate) was typing on her computer while I was working from home on mine. She had typed the following message into the little notepad program:
dear daddy
i love you.
i love you
but i also
love mommy.
love
noella
dear daddy
i love you.
i love you
but i also
love mommy.
love
noella
June 1, 2010: Kids say...next time, Daddy
Setup: I had just gotten home from an early match of volleyball, so the girls weren't in bed yet.
Melanie: Daddy, how was your day at volleyball?
Andy: Good.
Melanie: Did you win?
Andy: No... but we had a good time.
Melanie (sternly): Daddy, next time you should try to win the volleyball.
Melanie: Daddy, how was your day at volleyball?
Andy: Good.
Melanie: Did you win?
Andy: No... but we had a good time.
Melanie (sternly): Daddy, next time you should try to win the volleyball.
May 30, 2010: Kids say...pool shark
Setup: We're swimming at the cousin's pool. Ella (5) is practicing swimming without any floaties/noodles. (She swam from side to side in the deep end (supervised, of course) so that gave her permission to go off the slide or even the diving board, which she did... but I digress.) Melanie (3) has also made huge strides on the swimming front. She requires 2 noodles, but, with those, she's pretty much tooling about by herself (again, supervised, of course).
Melanie <double-noodled, beaming smile, paddling my direction>: Ba-doom... Ba-doom... (To the tune of Jaws.)
Melanie <double-noodled, beaming smile, paddling my direction>: Ba-doom... Ba-doom... (To the tune of Jaws.)
May 13, 2010: Kids say...I was so brave
Setup: It's bedtime. No, it's well after bedtime. There was a "disturbance in the Force." I go upstairs to check on the unwarranted noise levels. Amongst the explanations that followed, Ella (5) offers this.
Ella: ...I got a paper cut. I was so brave. I didn't cry at all...
She went on to explain how she went into the other room and turned on the light to take a look, but I really enjoyed how excitedly and matter-of-factly she was describing it.
Ella: ...I got a paper cut. I was so brave. I didn't cry at all...
She went on to explain how she went into the other room and turned on the light to take a look, but I really enjoyed how excitedly and matter-of-factly she was describing it.
March 1, 2010: Kids say...attention grabbing
Setup: Melanie (3), Ella (5), and I (32... but I doubt anyone cares) were playing a game. It was Melanie's turn, but she was very involved in something else. I whistled.
Ella: Why did you whistle at Melanie?
Andy: I was trying to get her attention.
Melanie: <grabbing at me> I *mumble* *mumble* you *mumble*
Andy: What are you doing?
Melanie (more distinctly): I'm trying to get my attention back.
Ella: Why did you whistle at Melanie?
Andy: I was trying to get her attention.
Melanie: <grabbing at me> I *mumble* *mumble* you *mumble*
Andy: What are you doing?
Melanie (more distinctly): I'm trying to get my attention back.
January 11, 2010: Kids say...cookie math
Setup: We're finishing lunch at Eddington's amidst a morning of errands. After lunch, we'll be heading to Target and then home. We've gotten the kid's meal, which comes with a cookie. Ella (5) and Melanie (2.75) are both trying to lay claim to the lone cookie.
Jen: We can break this cookie into 4 pieces. Then everyone has some. Plus, if you're good at Target, we can get 2 more cookies, break each in half, and everyone gets another piece. That way everyone gets a cookie, just not all at one time.
<Time passes and we're getting close to putting on coats.>
Ella: I've got an idea. We could get *three* cookies at Target. If we broke each in half, and then in half again, Melanie could have 3 pieces, Mommy could have 3 pieces, and I could have 3 pieces. Daddy could have what's left. That way everyone gets a *full* cookie.
(So, it would seem that the concept of fractions is setting in just fine with our Kindergartener. Now, if the northbound train leaves the station at ...)
Jen: We can break this cookie into 4 pieces. Then everyone has some. Plus, if you're good at Target, we can get 2 more cookies, break each in half, and everyone gets another piece. That way everyone gets a cookie, just not all at one time.
<Time passes and we're getting close to putting on coats.>
Ella: I've got an idea. We could get *three* cookies at Target. If we broke each in half, and then in half again, Melanie could have 3 pieces, Mommy could have 3 pieces, and I could have 3 pieces. Daddy could have what's left. That way everyone gets a *full* cookie.
(So, it would seem that the concept of fractions is setting in just fine with our Kindergartener. Now, if the northbound train leaves the station at ...)
November 30, 2009: Kids say...these little piggies
Setup: We're eating dinner... well, we're supposed to be eating dinner. Melanie (2.5) is distracted and goofing off. She's barefoot and letting us know.
Melanie: This little toe went to market. This little toe... also went to market. This little toe... went to... roast beef. This little piggie also roast beef. And this little piggie cried wee-wee-wee. ... Now let's do *these* piggies (switching to her other foot).
Melanie: This little toe went to market. This little toe... also went to market. This little toe... went to... roast beef. This little piggie also roast beef. And this little piggie cried wee-wee-wee. ... Now let's do *these* piggies (switching to her other foot).
November 28, 2009: Kids say...the dork side
Setup: Melanie (2.5) is exploring grandma and grampa Gravdahl's house, looking at the new Christmas decorations. Aparently, one of the rooms didn't have any lights on. Melanie came out and reported.
Melanie: I'm scared of the dork.
It's just a pronunciation mix-up, but it made me smile. "I'm not that scary," I thought to myself.
Melanie: I'm scared of the dork.
It's just a pronunciation mix-up, but it made me smile. "I'm not that scary," I thought to myself.
November 2, 2009: Kids say...baptism
Setup: Church. A Baptism is taking place. Melanie (2.5) is on my lap.
Melanie: Why they putting the baby in the bucket?
Andy: Wow, sweetie. That's a good question. (aside) What is the age-appropriate response to that?
She has some exposure to forgiveness with her "I'm sorry" training. I could probably equate hell to a time-out that just never ends. Though, doing so would likely introduce death, which would get confusing because I'd have just told her a person is in time out... but dead... so, now I need to try to explain the concept of a spirit.
Couldn't she have just asked me where the baby came from? That might be easier.
Melanie: Why they putting the baby in the bucket?
Andy: Wow, sweetie. That's a good question. (aside) What is the age-appropriate response to that?
She has some exposure to forgiveness with her "I'm sorry" training. I could probably equate hell to a time-out that just never ends. Though, doing so would likely introduce death, which would get confusing because I'd have just told her a person is in time out... but dead... so, now I need to try to explain the concept of a spirit.
Couldn't she have just asked me where the baby came from? That might be easier.
October 29, 2009: Kids say...Who's on first?
Setup: We are finishing up dinner. Jen has just introduced Ella(5) to the "Who's on first?" bit. Melanie (2.5) is watching in amazement.
Jen: Can you tell me the name of the first baseman?
Ella: Who.
Jen: The first baseman.
Ella: Who.
Jen: The guy at first.
Ella: Who.
Jen: What is the name of the first baseman?
Ella: No, he's on second.
Jen: Who's on second?
Ella: No, he's on first.
Jen: Who's on first?
Ella: Exactly.
Melanie: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ella: I don't know.
Andy: Third base. :)
I love that Ella gets the joke. I love that Melanie understands Jen and Ella are joking and she wanted to participate.
Jen: Can you tell me the name of the first baseman?
Ella: Who.
Jen: The first baseman.
Ella: Who.
Jen: The guy at first.
Ella: Who.
Jen: What is the name of the first baseman?
Ella: No, he's on second.
Jen: Who's on second?
Ella: No, he's on first.
Jen: Who's on first?
Ella: Exactly.
Melanie: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ella: I don't know.
Andy: Third base. :)
I love that Ella gets the joke. I love that Melanie understands Jen and Ella are joking and she wanted to participate.
October 1, 2009: Kids say...dictionary ninja
Setup: Ella (5) is reading. So much so that, for her birthday, she got, not one, but two, children's dictionaries. She's recently discovered the Magic Treehouse series and is enjoying them. Book #5 is "Night of the Ninjas".
Ella: What does ninja mean?
Jen: Well, let's look it up.
Ella: Mommy, what's an assassin?
Jen (worried where this is going): I guess we need to look that up, too. (aside) I'm kind of glad she doesn't know... or, at least, didn't.
Ella (cheerfully): Now we need to look up 'murder'.
Jen: (aside) Oh dear.
Jen (trying to bring this back): So... you know when there's a bug in the house... and Mommy steps on that bug to kill it. That would be murder.
Andy (trying to help): Actually, mommy often calls daddy in to squish the bug. That makes me an assassin.
Ella: I like to squish bugs, too. I'm a bug ninja.
Jen (relieved): Yes you are, sweetie.
Ella: What does ninja mean?
Jen: Well, let's look it up.
nin-ja (nin-juh) noun - A person who is highly trained in ancient Japanese martial arts, especially one hired as a spy or an assassin.
Ella: Mommy, what's an assassin?
Jen (worried where this is going): I guess we need to look that up, too. (aside) I'm kind of glad she doesn't know... or, at least, didn't.
as-sas-si-nate (uh-sass-uh-nate) verb - To murder someone who is well known or important, such as a president.
Ella (cheerfully): Now we need to look up 'murder'.
Jen: (aside) Oh dear.
mur-der (mur-dur) verb - to kill someone deliberately.
Jen (trying to bring this back): So... you know when there's a bug in the house... and Mommy steps on that bug to kill it. That would be murder.
Andy (trying to help): Actually, mommy often calls daddy in to squish the bug. That makes me an assassin.
Ella: I like to squish bugs, too. I'm a bug ninja.
Jen (relieved): Yes you are, sweetie.
September 11, 2009: Kids say...lost temper
Setup: Driving home from Ella's first day of kindergarten celebratory/"too emotionally drained to cook" dinner. Ella (5) had just finished a "she took my book/she's looking at me/whatever" snit. She had mostly calmed down. Then Melanie (2) took a turn at being too loud for an enclosed space.
Jen: Melanie, you lost your temper a little bit.
Melanie: I lost my temper. I need to find it. Where is my temper?
Jen: Melanie, you lost your temper a little bit.
Melanie: I lost my temper. I need to find it. Where is my temper?
August 26, 2009: Kids say...cooking lotion
Setup: We are making peach pies from scratch. I was peeling and slicing peaches. Jen was making the crusts. Ella (5) was helping Jen (and said help was actually quite helpful). Melanie (2.5) was "helping" (but not so much).
Melanie: I putting lotion on daddy's leg.
Andy: Gee, thanks sweetie. (aside) - where did she get... oh, that's Crisco.
Melanie: I putting lotion on daddy's leg.
Andy: Gee, thanks sweetie. (aside) - where did she get... oh, that's Crisco.
August 14, 2009: Kids say...misheard and redirected
Setup: Jen and Ella had just gotten home from a bike ride on a hot summer day. Jen was laying on the basement floor, trying to cool off.
Jen: It's hotter than hell out there.
Ella: But mommy, hail is cold. It's frozen.
Andy: You're right sweety. Hail is pretty cold.
Ella: Why did mommy say that. Just about everything is hotter than hail.
Andy: Yup. You're very smart. It's just an expression.
Jen: It's hotter than hell out there.
Ella: But mommy, hail is cold. It's frozen.
Andy: You're right sweety. Hail is pretty cold.
Ella: Why did mommy say that. Just about everything is hotter than hail.
Andy: Yup. You're very smart. It's just an expression.
July 16, 2009: Kids say...discovery of division
Setup: Ella (nearly 5) is finishing up her dinner. There are 4 pieces of pear in her bowl.
Ella: It will take me 4 bites if I have one piece in each bite, but it will only take me 2 bites if I have 2 pieces in each bite.
(That's right, ladies and gentlemen. She's "discovered" division. I sure hope she's ready for kindergarden in the fall. ;) )
Ella: It will take me 4 bites if I have one piece in each bite, but it will only take me 2 bites if I have 2 pieces in each bite.
(That's right, ladies and gentlemen. She's "discovered" division. I sure hope she's ready for kindergarden in the fall. ;) )
June 8, 2009: Kids say..."rug burn"
This is the first recorded "Kids say the darndest" and occupied a spot in my "Favorite quotes" section on my Info tab. I've decided to move it here, and place a link there.
Setup: We are on our evening walk and Jen notices an owie on Ella's knee. Ella is nearly 4.
Jen: What happened to your knee?
Ella: It got a carpet fire.
Setup: We are on our evening walk and Jen notices an owie on Ella's knee. Ella is nearly 4.
Jen: What happened to your knee?
Ella: It got a carpet fire.
June 8, 2009: Kids say...See you later
This one's been happening for a while and I've just never recorded it.
Setup: Melanie is 2.
Melanie: See you later, crocodile.
Setup: Melanie is 2.
Melanie: See you later, crocodile.
June 8, 2009: Kids say...wedding card illustrations
Setup: Ella is drawing a picture for a wedding card. Jen is asking her about what she's drawing.
Ella: I drew a heart... and another heart... and a circle. But it's not going to be a circle for long... now it's a person.
<more drawing>
Jen: What's that?
Ella: That's a cloud of smoke. It's fun. That person's clothes are burning.
Ella: I drew a heart... and another heart... and a circle. But it's not going to be a circle for long... now it's a person.
<more drawing>
Jen: What's that?
Ella: That's a cloud of smoke. It's fun. That person's clothes are burning.
June 2, 2009: Kids say...Melanie spelling
Setup: Finishing up dinner. Saying the word "treat" pretty much ends Melanie's meal, so, Ella has learned to spell it out, just like mommy and daddy do.
Ella: Mommy, I'm ready for my T-R-E-A-T.
Melanie (confidently/proudly mimicking): O-E-O-E-G.
Ella: Mommy, I'm ready for my T-R-E-A-T.
Melanie (confidently/proudly mimicking): O-E-O-E-G.
May 19, 2009: Kids say... Ella had big plans
Setup: Uncle Dan is in town. He borrowed Gramma's car, so Gramma is borrowing Jen's car. Gramma has just left.
Ella (tearful and sniffling): I'm sad because Gramma took the car with my favorite car seat. It's the one I can buckle.
Andy: Oh, that's ok, sweetie. Were you planning on going somewhere tonight?
Ella: Yeah. I wanted to go to a restaurant.
Ella (tearful and sniffling): I'm sad because Gramma took the car with my favorite car seat. It's the one I can buckle.
Andy: Oh, that's ok, sweetie. Were you planning on going somewhere tonight?
Ella: Yeah. I wanted to go to a restaurant.
May 9, 2009: Kids say...pumpkin logic
Setup: Driving home in the van.
Jen: Oh punkin Melanie.
Ella: Why did you call her that?
Jen: Well, is she Melanie?
Ella: Yes.
Jen: And, is she my punkin?
Ella: No, mommy. Just look at her. She doesn't have a stem sticking out of her. She *can't* be a pumpkin.
Jen: Oh punkin Melanie.
Ella: Why did you call her that?
Jen: Well, is she Melanie?
Ella: Yes.
Jen: And, is she my punkin?
Ella: No, mommy. Just look at her. She doesn't have a stem sticking out of her. She *can't* be a pumpkin.
April 17, 2009: Kids say...heart melt
This one isn't so much a darndest as a dearest.
Setup: Melanie's in her diaper having her morning "beep beep milk" in bed while mommy had just finished reading "The Giving Tree". I was about the leave for work.
Andy: Ok, Melanie. Daddy's going to go bye-bye.
Melanie: Bye-bye, daddy.
(Andy turns to leave. Melanie reaches out, as if to say, "Wait, there's one more thing I forgot to tell you")
Melanie: I wuv you, daddy.
Setup: Melanie's in her diaper having her morning "beep beep milk" in bed while mommy had just finished reading "The Giving Tree". I was about the leave for work.
Andy: Ok, Melanie. Daddy's going to go bye-bye.
Melanie: Bye-bye, daddy.
(Andy turns to leave. Melanie reaches out, as if to say, "Wait, there's one more thing I forgot to tell you")
Melanie: I wuv you, daddy.
April 10, 2009 -- follow up & new post: sharing a chocolate bunny
Trea Hanson Wahlstrom: I applaud your conviction to this - it seems so hard to remember all the cuteness throughout the day!
Thanks, Trea. There are countless other gems, but I just try to capture what I can. Actually, as I was writing this last one up, the following occurred.
Jen: I am having a chocolate bunny.
Ella: Can I have half of it?
Thanks, Trea. There are countless other gems, but I just try to capture what I can. Actually, as I was writing this last one up, the following occurred.
April 10, 2009
Setup: Finishing lunch. Ella has just finished her jellybeans as her dessert. Jen comes down the stairs.Jen: I am having a chocolate bunny.
Ella: Can I have half of it?
April 10, 2009: Kids say...Easter story foley artist
Setup: Jen was reading to the girls from Ella's childrens' Bible about the Easter story.
Jen (reading): ... an angel pushed away the stone and sat atop it. The soldiers who were guarding the tomb fell down...
Melanie (2): Plop!
Jen (reading): ... an angel pushed away the stone and sat atop it. The soldiers who were guarding the tomb fell down...
Melanie (2): Plop!
February 26, 2009: Kids say..."accidentally"
Setup: I'm preparing dinner in the kitchen. The girls are playing in Ella's room. Suddenly, Melanie is crying. I rush in.
Andy: Ella, can you tell me what happened?
Ella: Daddy... I accidentally bonked Melanie... with my fist.
Follow up: Her description was, in fact, accurate. She wasn't trying to punch her sister. She was trying to lasso Melanie with a necklace at close range.
Unfortunately, this has 3 potential outcomes:
- "too close" ->bonks with fist. (A great Indian name, by the way.)
- "too far away" -> whips face with plastic beads.
- "just right" -> has sister in strangling leash.
Andy: Ella, can you tell me what happened?
Ella: Daddy... I accidentally bonked Melanie... with my fist.
Follow up: Her description was, in fact, accurate. She wasn't trying to punch her sister. She was trying to lasso Melanie with a necklace at close range.
Unfortunately, this has 3 potential outcomes:
- "too close" ->bonks with fist. (A great Indian name, by the way.)
- "too far away" -> whips face with plastic beads.
- "just right" -> has sister in strangling leash.
February 11, 2009: Kids say...well played, Apple
This wasn't so much a "say" as it was a "do", but it still made me smile.
Setup: Melanie (nearly 2) will often approach me when I'm in my La-Z-Boy with my laptop and call out "Ramp-ah. Ramp-ah." (Which is her way of letting me know she wants to see pictures of grandpa. Thankfully, he is in some of my tagged photos, so it's relatively easy to get to a picture for her.)
So, we were having one of our Ramp-ah sessions and Melanie leans forward and touches the screen. "No, no, Melanie," I say. "Just for pretty." (Which is the phrase we universally use for things that are to be viewed and not touched.) I thought she was just trying to point at him. But, as she persisted, I then noticed that she was making a swiping motion... she was trying to sweep to the next picture, as though my laptop screen were an iPod touch screen. ;)
She's not even 2 and she already understands how the interface ought to work. Steve Jobs, you are truly a genius.
Setup: Melanie (nearly 2) will often approach me when I'm in my La-Z-Boy with my laptop and call out "Ramp-ah. Ramp-ah." (Which is her way of letting me know she wants to see pictures of grandpa. Thankfully, he is in some of my tagged photos, so it's relatively easy to get to a picture for her.)
So, we were having one of our Ramp-ah sessions and Melanie leans forward and touches the screen. "No, no, Melanie," I say. "Just for pretty." (Which is the phrase we universally use for things that are to be viewed and not touched.) I thought she was just trying to point at him. But, as she persisted, I then noticed that she was making a swiping motion... she was trying to sweep to the next picture, as though my laptop screen were an iPod touch screen. ;)
She's not even 2 and she already understands how the interface ought to work. Steve Jobs, you are truly a genius.
December 31, 2008: Kids say...marching band
Setup: Ella's wearing a jingle bell anklet, holding a tamborine in one hand, a maraca in the other, and has a harmonica in her mouth. She takes the harmonica out and innocently asks:
Ella: Daddy, when Melanie's napping, can we play "marching band?"
Ella: Daddy, when Melanie's napping, can we play "marching band?"
December 16, 2008: Kids say... you're own iPod
This brief exchange made me smile.
Setup: Jen recently got a cover for her iPod Touch. She was throwing out the packaging but decided to keep the piece of cardboard that has a screen print, and gave it to Ella for play.
Jen: Here you go, sweetie. It's a toy iPod. <brief silence> It's pretend.
Ella: Why can't I have a real one?
Setup: Jen recently got a cover for her iPod Touch. She was throwing out the packaging but decided to keep the piece of cardboard that has a screen print, and gave it to Ella for play.
Jen: Here you go, sweetie. It's a toy iPod. <brief silence> It's pretend.
Ella: Why can't I have a real one?
Kids say the darnedest things...
Here is something I had posted out on Facebook as a "note" on October 16, 2008. I had then posted "comments" on that note with what would have essentially been additional blog posts. I am now deciding to move this to a "proper Blog". I am new to the world of blogging, so this may undergo some iterations, but I intend to have this "main article" and then several posts associated with it. Wish me luck.
All too often, Ella will say something truly wonderful and it just makes me smile. I can ususally remember it long enough to share with a person or two, but, after a while it just becomes a feeling... I know Ella said this cute thing once... oh, what was it... oh well, I don't remember exactly, but I know it was cute.
Since I'm fairly big into facebook at the moment, I've decided to try out capturing some of these gems. Though she amazes me daily, I doubt this will become a daily article. Hopefully I'm able to caputre a thing or two that will bring smiles to me later on. You're welcome to enjoy them too.
While preparing for bed, after having had some fun activities, in the hopes of improving her mood, she resumed her melancholy whining. At one point she said, "I have a broken heart." Being the reassuring daddy I asked, "can I kiss it?"
"No. You can't kiss a broken heart to make it better." she replied.
"Drat," I thought. "That would have been too easy."
Anyway, on to the quote and the reason for this post.
She's standing by the sink with a big pouty lip, a mournful voice, and very matter-of-factly states:
I have a broken heart.
I miss my mommy.
There's nothing you can do.
All too often, Ella will say something truly wonderful and it just makes me smile. I can ususally remember it long enough to share with a person or two, but, after a while it just becomes a feeling... I know Ella said this cute thing once... oh, what was it... oh well, I don't remember exactly, but I know it was cute.
Since I'm fairly big into facebook at the moment, I've decided to try out capturing some of these gems. Though she amazes me daily, I doubt this will become a daily article. Hopefully I'm able to caputre a thing or two that will bring smiles to me later on. You're welcome to enjoy them too.
October 16, 2008
Setup: Wednesday is choir night. Except, there's no kids choir tonight, but we didn't realize that until we had already taken Ella (age 4) to church. Upon her return home she admitted (in a sad voice) that, "I am disappointed." (I feel sorrow on her behalf, but I can't also help feel a bit of pride at her excellent vocabulary.)While preparing for bed, after having had some fun activities, in the hopes of improving her mood, she resumed her melancholy whining. At one point she said, "I have a broken heart." Being the reassuring daddy I asked, "can I kiss it?"
"No. You can't kiss a broken heart to make it better." she replied.
"Drat," I thought. "That would have been too easy."
Anyway, on to the quote and the reason for this post.
She's standing by the sink with a big pouty lip, a mournful voice, and very matter-of-factly states:
I have a broken heart.
I miss my mommy.
There's nothing you can do.
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