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November 24, 2015
My name is Andy [LastName].
Jen [LastName] and I are recently divorced and we named Matthew [LastName] as our Parental Consultant in our Decree. I have attached a copy of the Decree. You will find the section regarding Parental Consultant on page # 13 (which is the 14th page of the document).
Please let me know what other information or documentation you need to allow us to begin this process.
Thank you in advance for your assistance with our continued journey in co-parenting.
- Andy
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November 24, 2015
Hi Andy,
Thanks for the court order, everything looks good. I've attached Matthew's PC contract to this email for review and signature. If you could forward it to the other party it would be much appreciated.
Sincerely,
Benjamin [LastName]
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December 14, 2015
I sent in the form and my check a while ago. I also had forwarded the information along to my ex-wife.
Have you received my paperwork? Have you received hers?
I'm wondering what the next steps are.
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December 15, 2015
Hi Andy,
Yes, we still are holding on to your check, as Jennifer has not yet remitted payment nor has she submitted her signed contract.
Sincerely,
Benjamin [LastName]
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Following up. Have you received payment and a signed contract from Jennifer [LastName] yet?
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January 18, 2016
Hi Andrew,
We're still waiting on Jennifer's contract and portion of the retainer.
Sincerely,
Benjamin [LastName]
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October 27, 2016
Hello again. It has been quite a while since I have written. I wanted to confirm where we are in this process. I suspect you've not received Jennifer's signed contract nor her portion of the fee.
I would like to know more about your initial process of taking on new clients. I feel that my ex-wife and I would benefit from your services and I am considering making the entire payment myself and seeking reimbursement later. I cannot, however, sign the document for her.
Is there anything that can be done at this point, or am I effectively stalemated by her refusal to acknowledge my requests that she send in her form and fee?
Thanks in advance for your assistance,
-Andy
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October 31, 2016
Hello Andy,
Can you please provide us with her contact information? We have yet to reach out to her directly. It appears that Ben asked you to forward the agreement on our behalf so we do not have her contact information (email would be great). We can then try to reach out to her to see what her intentions are regarding Parenting Consulting services with Matthew [LastName].
Sincerely,
Cheryl [LastName]
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October 31, 2016
[UserName]@yahoo.com
This is the email I have, however, now all communication directly between us is through OurFamilyWizard.com. I do believe/assume she still uses this.
Thank you,
Andy
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November 2, 2016
Hello Mr. [LastName],
We have emailed Jen directly and will let you know if we hear back from her. At this point you can contact your attorney to let him or her know that your co-parent is not following the Court Order.
Sincerely,
Cheryl [LastName]
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November 2, 2016
Oh dear. I was hoping to have been done with attorneys at this point. Are we sure that will be necessary? Don't we have a signed decree naming Matthew [LastName]? Is it possible that, once contact has been made, we'd all be able to "play nicely together"? (I do realize, as I type this, that it would seem we are not necessarily "playing nice", which is why I've been compelled to reach out to you again. I'm just disappointed and saddened that it seems we are heading in the opposite direction.)
Please do keep me posted with updates. I'll remain hopeful that things go smoothly.
Sincerely,
Andy
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Have you heard anything back yet? I'd like to know what the next steps are.
We are currently struggling with agreeing on the parenting schedule through the holidays and we are running out of time to get on the same page.
Feel free to call me if that would help. (###) ###-####
Thank you,
Andy
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November 14, 2016
Hello Andy,
We reached out to your co-parent at the email you provided and have not received a response. You may want to reach out to her through OurFamilyWizard.
Sincerely,
Cheryl [LastName]
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November 14, 2016
Hello Andy,
Your co-parent replied to us and ask that we not contact her again.
Sincerely,
Cheryl
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November 14, 2016
Oh, good heavens.
Did she provide any rationale?
I really didn't want to go back into the realm of attorneys. That is expensive and combative. We don't need to be enemies. Ugh. This is remarkably disappointing.
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November 14, 2016
She did not. I just asked her to confirm that she is receiving our emails. Sorry.
Sincerely,
Cheryl
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November 15, 2016
Thank you for confirming that she had received your emails. Although she "ask[ed] that [you] not contact her again"... that's now how this works. (I'd prefer the IRS not contact me each year, asking for taxes but, sure enough, they keep coming back.)
We have a signed, legally binding Decree and it names Matthew [LastName] as our Parental Consultant. If she wishes not to cooperate, that is her option, but there are consequences. I would be ok with you reminding her of the Decree and even quoting paragraphs, if you feel that might be helpful. (As mentioned in my initial contact with you, such clauses begin on page #13. If you'd like a new copy of the Decree, I can forward one.)
Since there had been some delay in reaching her via her yahoo.com email, here are the other contact options I'm aware of:
work email: [username]@[company].com
home phone: (###) ###-####
cell phone: (###) ###-####
home address: ### [street name] [City], [State] [zip]
I don't want to involve lawyers. I shouldn't have to. We have a signed Decree. There is no question as to what is supposed to happen. She has provided no reason for wishing to discontinue using your services. Involving attorneys is a needless expense and is antagonizing. I remain committed to the fact that she and I needn't be adversaries. In fact, it would be detrimental to the girls if we were to head down such a combative path. We need to work together to raise our girls as best we can. Show them love, support, and encouragement. Provide a good example of how adults interact with people; even people they don't necessarily like or agree with.
Please let me know how you recommend proceeding. I want to get us back on the right track. I need your help. We need your help.
Thank you,
Andy
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November 15, 2016
Hello Andy,
We
understand that this is a difficult situation, however, it is not our
role to force someone into these services. She has asked that we stop
contacting her and at this time we need to honor that request.
Sincerely,
Cheryl
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November 15, 2016
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November 15, 2016
I agree, this is a difficult situation; divorce is
challenging... especially with children involved... which is why we
(co-parents, new to divorced parenthood) need help from you (professionals,
trained in helping parents do right by their kids). I admit, it would be much
better if both of us approached this with an open mind, but, imagine for a
moment a slightly different situation:
Say we both had signed up, we met a few times, and then Jen
decided that things "just weren't going her way" so she responded to
one of your emails asking that you not contact her again. Do you just shrug
your shoulders and say, "Oh well... I guess she no longer wants our
help."
I'm forced to assume that it's relatively common that, at
least at some point in the process of working with a Parental Consultant, at
least one of the parents will fell disappointed, put out, or otherwise
unsatisfied with how things are going. I can't imagine that the operating
procedure at that point is to just give in.
Here are excerpts from our Decree, a legally binding
document that we both poured way too much time and money into to simply
disregard:
[8] Matthew [LastName] is hereby appointed the Parenting
Consultant (PC) for the parties under the following terms and conditions, and
shall be considered a person presiding at an alternative dispute resolution
proceeding pursuant to Minnesota Statute § 604A.32.
[a] The parties agree to have the PC for two years.
[b] The PC shall have the duty and responsibility to assist
the parties in resolving all child-related issues submitted for resolution,
except for issues related to spousal support, child support, and modifications
of custody.
[d] The parties shall first attempt to resolve the issues
themselves before requesting assistance from the PC. Upon notification by a party that there is an
issue in controversy, the PC will meet with the parties by telephone, in
person, or by other means as determined appropriate by the PC, to discuss the
issue in controversy. The PC will review all appropriate information relating
to the issue in controversy, including, but not limited to, any existing and
prior court Orders and any agreements of the parties. The PC may meet and communicate with the
child(ren) as the PC deems appropriate.
Both parties shall participate in the dispute-resolution process defined
by the PC and governed by Minnesota Rules of Practice, Rule 114 in accordance
with the principles of due process. The process will include, at a minimum, the
opportunity for each to express his or her opinion. In the event a party does
not attend a meeting or otherwise fails to respond in a timely manner, the PC
may deem the party’s participation waived. The PC may also proceed by joint or
individual in-person meetings, telephone, written correspondence or other means
determined appropriate by the PC as the situation warrants. If a party fails to
provide input into a decision of the PC after a reasonable period of time
following a request for input, the PC may resolve this issue in controversy
without input from that parent. All
decisions of the PC shall be made promptly in writing. Decisions of the PC are
by their very nature often made in circumstances involving time constraints,
and possibly emergencies; therefore, these decisions may, initially, be made
orally, but must be communicated to both parties and subsequently documented in
writing. These decisions are binding when made.
[e] Both parties shall cooperate in good faith to resolve
the matter(s) in dispute with the assistance of the PC. To the extent a release is required by any
non-party to disclose information to the PC, both parties shall sign all
releases necessary for the PC to access any information the PC deems necessary. The parties agree to abide by all decisions
that are made by the PC, unless modified by subsequent court order, including
during periods in which a motion is pending before the court. It is the responsibility of the parents to
provide the PC with all necessary information to stay in communication with
them, including all phone numbers in order of priority for communication;
mailing addresses; residence; and priority e-mail address. The PC may consult with other professionals
as necessary to conduct their duties. If
one or both of the parties disagree with the decision of the PC, that party
must obtain a court hearing date to contest the PC’s decision, as set forth
below.
She signed this. It was entered and filed. She has already
agreed.
I don't want to take her to court. I don't want to get
police involved. I don't want to further foster any ill-will. I want to give
our children the best childhood we can at this point. Jen and I need to
coordinate some very basic things and have open communication. I have no
expectations of sitting down with her for tea and discussing a movie we
recently watched. But, I do have the expectation that we have enough respect
for each other, or, at the very least, the children, to work together and not
actively do things that are detrimental to the girls. I have tried working with
the OurFamilyWizard tool, but it is proving insufficient. I need some help from
a neutral third-party, with specific expertise in these sorts of issues. This
is the very reason we included such provisions in our Decree; we knew there was
a very real chance that we'd need help.
At this time, we need to honor the children's need for improved co-parenting.
Sincerely,
Andy
At this time, we need to honor the children's need for improved co-parenting.
Sincerely,
Andy
November 15, 2016
Hello Mr. [LastName] -
November 15, 2016
Thank you for the clarification. I have sent a message within OurFamilyWizard reminding her as such. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you receive feedback (positive or otherwise) from Jennifer. I look forward to getting beyond this sticking point and collectively taking steps in a positive direction.
Patiently yours,
Andy
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I was forwarded an email string between you and Cheryl in our front office.
I know that this is frustrating, but, at this point, given our efforts to engage Jen and her clear response to those efforts, we have done all we can. This would be a different circumstance if work had begun and I had signed contracts from both of you in place. That's not where we are at this moment so we are stuck. Despite the court order, etc., it is not my place to drag someone in here and until I have signed contracts from all involved I cannot begin work at all. There is a court order, I know, but our office has it's own policies about what needs to be done on this end and getting contracts in place is step one.
I would encourage you to remind her that there is an order and that failure to abide by that order may result in you returning to court to force the matter. There is nothing more that I can do at this point. I hope that clarifies matters and, while still frustrating, helps you understand.
Thanks much,
Matthew
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November 15, 2016
Thank you for the clarification. I have sent a message within OurFamilyWizard reminding her as such. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you receive feedback (positive or otherwise) from Jennifer. I look forward to getting beyond this sticking point and collectively taking steps in a positive direction.
Patiently yours,
Andy
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