FED up. EXpletive deleted.

I was expecting a package to be delivered. On Monday, when I came home from work, I saw, on my dark green front door, a starkly contrasting white sticker, stating that the delivery person had stopped by, but nobody was present to sign for the package. This was their 1st attempt and they would return for the next 2 business days. It denoted the time of the attempt, 12:25 pm, and described the delivery in the cleverly cryptic code: 2 phones.

My options were to either drive to their warehouse to pick it up myself (which somewhat defeats the purpose of having something delivered) or, to sign the sticker and post it on my door, which would grant them permission to leave my "2 phones" at my door and admonish them of any responsibility for loss, theft, or damage.

Not excited about the prospect of placing a sticker on my door that essentially announces that I will be away from my home all day and that there will be "2 phones" on my steps at some point in the afternoon, but unable to get to the warehouse before they close, and hoping to get this package sooner than later, I decided to proceed with the signed sticker option. They had placed the sticker on the center of my door, slightly below eye level. I decided to place my response in the "slightly less obvious for passers-by" upper right-hand corner. My storm door is mostly window, but the outside edge is opaque, and partially shielded the sticker.

When I returned home on Tuesday, I found a new sticker at eye level on the storm door. It featured the same driver code, a slightly later time, 1:15 pm, a check box in the "2nd attempt" box, and once again requested my signature. Assuming that this driver does not have a gun that can shoot door tags from the street, it would seem that they came all the way up to my door. Presumably, their records would indicate that they should look for a tag on my door. Now, in their defense, there were no stickers on my storm door, but, as you might recall from the first paragraph, their initial communication was posted on my green door, not the storm door. If they had opened the storm door (which they clearly had done on Monday), and were looking on the green door (the very same door on which they posted their sticker) for a sticker bearing my signature, I would be in possession of my "2 phones" (barring, of course, any petty theft subsequent to drop off).

Instead, I am still "2 phone"-less and once again had a sign on the front of my house announcing "nobody's here during business hours". Once again unable to travel to the warehouse before it closed, I was forced to wait another day.

Today, before heading off to work, I put both signed stickers on my green door. Once again slightly obscured by the storm door, however this time placed a bit more to the middle and, with 2 door stickers, hopefully less miss-able.

Will I find a 3rd sticker, perhaps left in my driveway, as the driver couldn't be troubled to go all the way to my door, in fear of actually finding my signature and making the delivery? Will I find my "2 phones"? Will I find no phones, but a set of fresh tracks through the snow from some thief who now has my packages? Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion of 'The Little Delivery Person that Could'.