(The elephant in the room.)
As you may have heard, Jen and I are getting divorced.This type of news is "awkward and uncomfortable".
I suspect you may be feeling something along the lines of, "Well, shoot, that's very sad... I wish I could help... but I don't want to pry... Gee, this is awkward and uncomfortable."
Let me start by setting your mind at ease. There is no addiction or infidelity involved. Jen and I just grew apart and weren't demonstrating a loving relationship for the girls. Rather than "go through the motions" and "stick it out for the children" (which would actually be detrimental), we've decided to make the difficult choice.
First and foremost, we want the girls to know that they are loved and this is not their fault. (We've told them this, and continue to reiterate, but this is a major upheaval in their lives as well, so we must be ever mindful of how they're doing. (At the same time, they also don't need to be constantly reminded about painful things. Yes, their parents are getting divorced, but there are so many other things going on in their lives; we don't need to dwell on that.))
It is also important that we maintain a unified front. No good comes of anyone speaking ill of either parent, especially as observable by the girls. (Fun fact - The girls are more observant than one might think. Even if someone isn't "saying" negative things, a "general attitude" can be sensed by the girls.)
I am trying my best not to focus on blame nor harbor ill-will. Actively disliking anybody is a waste of energy: your life doesn't get any better and interactions with the other person only become more tenuous.
It is my hope that none of you have negative feelings for either of us. There needn't be a #TeamAndy vs. #TeamJen.
Some observations about myself:
- I am an introvert.- I am quirky and have been known to be social awkward at times.
- I am going through a stressful and emotionally charged period.
- I may be preoccupied and possibly less-chipper than my baseline value.
- I know this is the right thing and, despite the current discomfort, I will establish a "new normal" and things will be good.
- I am in need of support from my friends and family, though I suspect "person going through a divorce" isn't generically high on anyone's "who would I like to hang out with" list.
Here are some over-simplified caricatures of the spectrum of friends:
- I went to school/church/camp/etc. with Andy. I never really knew him all that well, but he seemed nice enough. It's too bad that he's getting divorced, but, ultimately, this won't have an impact on my life.- I knew Andy pretty well... but that was quite a while ago. It's a bummer that he's getting divorced. Maybe I'll drop him a line on Facebook. Hang in there, buddy.
- I know both Andy and Jen and this breaks my heart. Oh, the poor girls. This is just all around sad. I wish I could wrap them all up in a hug and let them know they are loved and it will all work out in the end.
- I never really knew Jen, but Andy and I go way back. If there's anything I can do to help, bro, just call.
Wherever you find yourself on that spectrum, that's fine.
I appreciate all of my friends.
I would like to apologize in advance if I am preoccupied or less-chipper than intended.
I know this is temporary, so thank you for your support and patience.
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