Checking in on "my friends"... "Randy" and "Jean"

Randy -> Jean                               Winter vacation

8/18/19 7:40 PM

I would like to take one of my week-long vacations with the girls. I don't want to take them out of school. I'm wondering if you'd be willing to swap Christmas (mine) and New Years (yours) this year. If we swap those, I would then take my week of time from Monday 12/30 through Monday 1/6. To avoid a three-weekends-in-a-row situation, I'd swap 1/10-1/12 (mine) for 1/3-1/5 (yours).

Here's how the weekends look now and would look with this change:

Fr Sa Su now... new

06 07 08 Jean.... Jean
13 14 15 Randy Randy
20 21 22 Jean.... Jean
27 28 29 Randy Randy
03 04 05 Jean.... Randy
10 11 12 Randy Jean
17 18 19 Jean.... Jean
24 25 26 Randy Randy

Jean -> Randy                               Re: Winter vacation

8/20/19 10:46 PM

I already have plans for my holiday and my weekend.

Randy -> Jean                               Re: Winter vacation

8/29/19 10:25 PM

As you’ve pointed out, missing school is particularly hard on Emma. Since that second week of winter break is booked with your vacation, I’d like to take a vacation during the first week. The current obstacle being that you have them from 5pm on the 24th through noon on the 25th. Is there any trade I could offer that would allow me to have an entire week while the girls are out of school?

Jean -> Randy                               Re: Winter vacation

8/30/19 11:59 AM

I already have plans for my Christmas Eve Holiday.

Jean -> Randy                               vacation

8/30/19 11:59 AM

I noticed you scheduled vacation in December.

You will need to adjust this schedule due to the following issues
- each vacation is 7 days and they cannot be schedule back to back
- Neither parent is to have 3 weekends in a row

Please adjust your vacation to comply with the agreement.

Randy -> Jean                               re: vacation

9/20/19 9:01 AM

My family will be taking a vacation in December.

Our first choice is to swap Christmas and New Years and take a trip in the window from 12/28 - 1/5.

Our second choice is to offer some sort of trade for Christmas Eve night, so that we could go in the window from 12/21 - 12/28.

You have chosen to block both of these, which is your right. Unfortunately, that leaves us with our least desirable option, which is to take our trip somewhere in the window from 12/11 - 12/23. This means the girls missing up to 8 days of school when they could very easily miss none.

The choice is your. I'm asking you to consider what is in the best interests of the girls. If you honestly feel that having the girls with you for the 19 hours from 12/24 @ 5:00 pm through 12/25 @ noon is worth putting them through the stress and hassle of missing school, I will enter the requisite trade of your weekend (12/20 - 12/23) for my weekend (12/27 - 12/30; minus the time through 12/28 noon, which is Christmas and redundantly giving you the time from 12/29 noon onward, which you already have as the New Years holiday).

Jean -> Randy                               re: vacation

9/21/19 8:40 AM

I have already made all of my holiday plans, including plans for my weekend of dec 20. This holiday time is very important to me and also to the girls. As my family lives very far away it is in the girls best interests not to miss the opportunity to see them.

Next year, you will have a week at new year's to take a vacation over a holiday. This year it is my turn.

If you wish to take a vacation during this busy season this year, you are certainly able to do so, You can pick 7 days between dec 9 and dec 20 (at 3 when the weekend begins). These days are outside of the busy holiday schedule that has previously been agreed on.

Randy -> Jean                               re: vacation

9/24/19 8:53 PM

I’m sorry that you have plans for the weekend of December 20, but I am taking vacation over that time, so you will need to reschedule your plans. It is unfortunate that you are unwilling to share the winter break equally so the girls will not have to miss school in order to have quality time and vacation with both of their families.

I was not able to schedule a family vacation over the summer due to the holidays, your 2 vacations, and the activities that you schedule for the girls throughout the entire summer. That is why I am taking vacation in December and again in March.

If you'd like to reconsider trades that would allow me to take a vacation either the first or second week of winter break, please let me know. Otherwise I will proceed as I have already announced.

Jean -> Randy                               re: vacation

9/26/19 5:21 PM

I have already said no. You will need to schedule your vacation for 7 days between dec 9 and dec 20 at 3:00.

Randy -> Jean                               December vacation

10/30/19 10:32 PM

The week of 12/14 - 12/20 will not work for our trip this year.

I am still open to trades that would allow for either the 1st or 2nd week of winter break.
If neither of those work, I will need the time from 12/17 5:00 pm - 12/24 5:00 pm.
I would prefer not having to take the girls out of school.
Please look your plans over and let me know which option you'd like to pursue.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December vacation

11/5/19 11:27 AM

I have already said no. You will need to schedule your vacation for 7 days between dec 9 and dec 20 at 3:00.

Jean -> Randy                               December Schedule

12/2/19 9:56 PM

I see you now have two copies of each vacation entry for December.

I have already stated that you cannot have the girls for two consecutive vacations extending from Dec 9th through Dec 24th. This is a 15 day period.

As stated in the divorce decree, vacation is a 7 day period.

Please pick 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 at 3:00pm by Wed Dec 4, otherwise we will simply follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/3/19 11:17 PM

I left the "trade instances" on the calendar to show that my request had been entered back in September. You are welcome to reject them as their records will still exist.

Where in the decree does it state that a parent may not have 14 consecutive nights with the girls?

Where in the decree does it state that vacations can't be back-to-back?
Where in the decree does it state that plans made by one parent during their own regular parenting time can prevent the other parent from taking vacation time?

I believe minimizing the amount of time out of school serves the girls' best interests. As such, I am willing to not take my first week of vacation this year, under the condition that I may use those days next year. Therefore, my vacation will then simply be from 5:00 pm on 12/17 through 5:00 pm on 12/24. This is the vacation that I entered on September 1st, which is well before the 30 day notification requirement. Any attempt to block me from having this time will be denial of parenting time on your part.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 9:31 AM

Vacation cannot be carried over. The decree clearly states

"Each party shall have up to two vacation periods, each lasting up to seven days"

Dec 13 to Dec 24 is 10 days not 7 days.

I would be happy for you to have vacation Dec 13 at 3pm to Dec 20 at 3pm. Which is a 7 day period.

If these are the days you would like, please enter the trade from Dec 16 at 8am - Dec 20th at 3pm.

If these are not the days you would like, please pick 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 at 3:00pm by today, Wed Dec 4, otherwise we will simply follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 2:54 PM

The vacation that I have entered is from December 17th at 5:00 pm through December 24th at 5:00 pm.

Any attempt to block me from this will be considered a denial of parenting time.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 3:39 PM

I have indicated multiple times that I am unable and unwilling to trade away my regular parenting time on the weekend of Dec 20-22.

You cannot have vacation over these days.

Saying no to trading away my weekend, is not a denial of your parenting time.

There are many different ways you can schedule a 7 day vacation between Dec 9 and Dec 20 at 3.

Please pick 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 at 3:00pm by today, Wed Dec 4, otherwise we will simply follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 5:55 PM

My vacation time is from 12/17 at 5:00 pm through 12/24 at 5:00 pm. I entered it over 30 days in advance and it does not conflict with any holidays.

I am not asking you to “trade away” your regular parenting time. That time is no longer your parenting time because “Vacation time has priority over the regular weekly parenting time schedule.” (5.f)

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 6:14 PM

Please pick 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 at 3:00pm by today, Wed Dec 4, otherwise we will simply follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 7:29 PM

Can you please tell me which clause in the decree gives you the power to restrict which days I can take as my vacation?

My vacation is from 12/17 at 5 pm through 12/24 at 5 pm.

I’m sorry if this is inconvenient for you. In the future, I would prefer discussion, negotiation, and compromise earlier in the process.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 8:59 PM

Please pick 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 at 3:00pm by today, Wed Dec 4, otherwise we will simply follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/5/19 8:54 PM

As you did not choose 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 for your vacation, We will follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/5/19 9:41 PM

I have two validly requested vacations on the calendar.
You've announced that you intend to deny me both of them.

You do not have the right to impose a deadline and then try to state that the December schedule will be reset because I didn't meet it to your liking.

As we appear to be at an impasse, and in the best interest of the girls, I will modify my vacations as follows:
- I will shorten my first vacation to be from 12/10 at 5:00 pm through 12/13 at 5:00 pm.
- I will shorten my second vacation to be from 12/17 at 5:00 pm through 12/20 at 3:00 pm.

This allows my family to spend time with the girls and won't interfere with the trip you have planned during your regular parenting time.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/5/19 10:00 PM

As you did not choose 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 for your vacation, We will follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

This subject is closed.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/5/19 10:07 PM

I actually only chose 6. (12/10 - 12/13 is 3. 12/17 - 12/20 is 3.)
Furthermore, there's not a restriction as to how of my vacation days I can take in a given month.

This is yet another example of powers you are claiming for yourself that are not spelled out in the decree. Please stop trying to deny my time with the girls.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/7/19 10:48 PM

Melanie tells me that you texted her that she would be with you for vacation next week.
She is very concerned about being at your home for 7 days now that Corina is smoking but she indicated that she would still very much like to go.

She also indicated that you told her that the vacation would be from
Monday Dec 9 after school until monday Dec 16 before school.
With the added note that Melanie would like to come here after school on Tuesday Dec 10 to dress and do hair for her concert and then go back to your house after the concert

This does not match the current entries on the calendar, nor does it match anything you have stated in the past on this subject. I do not see any new trades entered to confirm this is your request.

This is a 7 day period as I have requested, so I can agree to this. Please confirm if this is your new vacation plan. If so please enter the necessary trade for Dec 10-Dec 13

Noella also mentioned that you texted. I am encouraging her to make plans for a dinner with you.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/8/19 1:49 PM

The calendar had already been updated.
* 12/9 is my regular Monday parenting time.
* I had already shortened my first vacation to now go from 12/10 at 5:00 pm through 12/13 at 5:00 pm. (3 days instead of the 7 to which I am entitled.)
* My regularly scheduled weekend with the girls is from 12/13 a 5:00 pm through 12/16 at 8:00 am.
* I had already shortened my second vacation to now go from 12/17 at 5:00 pm through 12/20 at 3:00 pm. (3 days instead of the 7 to which I am entitled.)

I don't need to enter any "trades". As you had recently reminded me, vacations are simply entered as "events" and don't require approval from the other parent.

If you need me to have on the calendar the fact that Melanie asked to ride Tuesday's afternoon bus to your house, so that you can do her hair, and that I'd take her home after the concert I certainly could. Since she paused our FaceTime to go ask you about this option, I figured you were on board.

With respect to my second vacation, Melanie was initially quite worried about spending 2 straight weeks away from mommy. I hadn't actually mentioned anything about the second week yet. However, she and I talked through the fact that she was definitely going back to mommy’s house in the afternoon on Monday, 12/16. I also told her that, if she didn't feel she had had enough time with mommy, I'd be fine with her going back to your house on any of those other nights. I just wanted her to know that she's definitely welcome to be here.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/8/19 3:03 PM

It is important that the calendar reflects agreement on where the children will be sleeping each night. Since your vacation is partly on my parenting time, there is need of an agreed on trade that clearly indicates the schedule. My vacation over new years occurs entirely within my regular parenting time, so I did not need to create a trade. This is not to imply that your vacation does not require a trade.

If you intend to have vacation with Melanie from Dec 9 at 3 to Dec 16 at 3 then my parenting time from 6:30 on Dec 10 until your weekend begins Fri Dec 13 at 5 needs to be properly traded so that the calendar is accurate. Those days are still my days until there is an agreed trade.

If you enter that trade I will be happy to accept it.

Melanie will be with me the week of Dec 16 -20 so there is no need for any trade to be entered for that time.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/9/19 12:00 AM

The decree states:
(5.e) Each party shall have up to two vacation periods, each lasting up to seven days, with the minor children each year. Petitioner's 4th of July week with family shall be considered one of her two vacation periods. Each party shall provide the other written notice of their intended use of vacation time at least thirty (30) days prior to use. Parents may claim vacation on a first in time basis.

Nowhere in the decree does it say that the non-vacationing parent has the right to refuse vacation time. In fact, the decree continues in the next paragraph:
(5.f) Holidays have priority over the regular weekly parenting time schedule and vacation time. Vacation time has priority over the regular weekly parenting time schedule.

The fact that some of my vacation time falls on your regular parenting time is a product of the fact that I have no 7-day spans in the regular parenting schedule. You, on the other hand, have a 7-day span every 2 weeks.

It appears that entering my vacations as "events" doesn't update the overnights in the monthly thumbnail. I've edited both of my "trades" to reflect the same spans. Please accept them and then the calendar will show the appropriate coloring throughout.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/9/19 8:28 AM

You updated an event not a trade. I went ahead and created a trade on your behalf. Please accept it to allow the calendar to be accurate and indicate that you will have your vacation Dec 9 3:00 through Dec 16 3:00.

I was not able to include tomorrow in the trade (Dec 10). However, we will follow the schedule Melanie requested despite the inaccuracy of the calendar. I will bring her to the concert, and she will go to your house after the concert.

Please let me know if you will be out of town any of those days, Melanie indicated you were staying home but Noella said there was a water park trip.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/9/19 10:16 AM

Due to the struggles in getting on the same page regarding my vacations (which I still believe we haven't fully), we have had to move the out-of-town portion of our trip to December 26th. I have added that event.

We will be in town on the 11th, so I'd like to confirm where I should be taking Melanie for confirmation. I searched the calendar and info bank, but found no details.

Yet another email exchange between "my friends"... "Randy" and "Jean"

Jean -> Randy                                                                                                        01/27/2017 4:04 PM

Subject: Taxes

As you were not current with child support as of 12-31-2016, I will be claiming Emma as a dependent for 2016. (refer page 20 Item 12.). I am letting you know this so that we avoid accidentally both claiming her and getting audited.
Please complete IRS form 8332 (Attached as f8332.pdf) and return it to me. This is not required for me to claim Emma, but I have been advised that it should decrease the likelihood of either of us getting audited.

Thank you for your attention to this.

Randy -> Jean                                                                                                        02/01/17 11:45 AM

Subject: RE: Taxes

Below is the message which I had initially sent to Maxwell. However, let me first respond to a comment made in Maxwell's message to both Jean and me: "We need to practice being able to safely ask questions, offer responses, and, if necessary, offer me an opportunity to intervene and assist."
I do not feel safe asking questions directly of Jean. We have bad habits and a history to this point and I know that I actively avoid raising concerns if it is possible. I sincerely hope, in our working with Maxwell, that I can overcome this baggage and we can achieve the situation he described.

Here is the aforementioned message:
I am sharing this, not seeking guidance or intervention with financial concerns or child support. Instead, I offer this as an example of a communication issue we seem to have.

This was the first I was notified of any issues/concerns regarding child support payments.

Jean actually set up the wage garnishment through Minnesota Child Support Services initially. I have reached out to the case worker, to try to understand what happened and how the automatic payments fell short, but have, as yet, been able to reach them.

This matter-of-fact presentation of an issue, only after deadlines have already passed, is not helpful. In a similar fashion, she first notified me that Emma has been seeing a therapist, regarding struggles with homework, after she'd attended 6 sessions, and now I retroactively owe portions of the co-pay. That winds up feeling link a sudden "gotcha".

I'm not entirely sure what to do differently, but the current communication approach is problematic. I welcome suggestions.

Randy -> Jean                                                                                                        02/01/2017 2:26 PM

Subject: RE: Taxes

I just got a call back from Lisa D., the child support worker on our case. She explained to me how things work in their system and that I am in good standing.
She welcomes you to call her to clear up any concerns.
Her number is: ###-###-####
Our case number is: ########## 01

Jean -> Randy                                                                                                        02/01/2017 5:08 PM

Subject: RE: Taxes

Randy,
It is your responsibility to ensure the state collected payments will be sufficient to meet your support obligation by the end of the year (Dec 31). It is not my responsibility to check on your behalf.

On December 31, 2016 you were $431.96 behind on payments for 2016. Therefore, you may not claim Emma as a dependent for 2016. The fact that this amount has since been collected (on 1/23/2017) is not relevant.

This email was simply a courtesy to ensure that we do not both claim her and end up getting audited.

Further, this is not an issue that is in the scope of the authority of the Parenting Consultant.

Maxwell,
Please advise on how to end this thread.
It seems there are a lot of other issues below beyond the called out issue in the subject line, which is taxes. I have attempted to respond to the issue in the subject, but I am not sure if I am responding to the correct issue.

Maxwell -> Randy & Jean                                                                                     02/07/2017 2:28 PM

Hello Jean and Randy -
This is a tricky issue to get started on as the content (taxes) is beyond the scope of my authority. That being said, Randy appears to be asking for something related to communication, not taxes.

For the most part, I do not see Randy's fundamental "ask" as being wrong-headed or inappropriate. He believes that you, Jean, had a certain set of facts before you - that he was behind in his child support payments - and that, as a result, you made unilateral pronouncements about what was going to happen, in part, based on the decree. I have reviewed the decree and it does state that you can each claim a child, provided that Randy is up to date on his payments by December 31 of the year. Jean was entitled to do this as the letter of the decree indicated as much.

Randy, I am guessing, would not argue that fundamental point. What he is saying, and asking for, is that he was not aware of any of this, was not asked about any of this, not offered any opportunity to remedy or respond, and, in the end, was left being told what to do about something he would have liked to have had some ability to remedy differently. It is, after all, possible that it was neither his fault nor his intention to not be up to date and would have been happy to have worked to make things better.

As noted previously, this is a bad example to discuss what Randy is looking for in that it's about money and the decree is clear in its language. I will, instead, take this conversation in a different direction.

We do not want to create a co-parenting relationship in which we are simply cataloging upsets, hurts, and failings related to our co-parent. That does not serve the children well. Not at all. If we have questions and concerns, they should be shared and, ideally, resolved. If we aren't doing that we are, by definition, potentially allowing "bad" things to continue with and for our children.

We have to find ways to establish some capacity to dialogue, ask questions, resolve issues. We have to find some way to build some kind of bridge between your two homes. The kids are still young enough for you to build new pathways of respectful communication so that, by the time they hit the teenage years, you have some capacity to let them know that you are united in caring for them. If you fail to do that, there is a strong chance that the children will expose the gaps to their own detriment.

Jean, I know this is hard for you. I know, respect, and recognize that establishing and maintaining boundaries is important. I am, however, saying that healthy boundaries is not the same as no communication. I am on board as your PC now so that if anyone is not respecting boundaries, not behaving, etc., I can intervene and hold them accountable. That should, I hope, allow people to build new pathways for meaningful and successful communication. The kids will be left in a less than ideal circumstance if you do not commit to doing this. They travel between two homes. If those two homes cannot learn to share and work together, even help one another be the best they can be (as in this case), then we are offering the children less than we should.

In this case, Jean, while it is not your "job" to have informed Randy of anything, it does seem as though having reached out, informed, and offered a chance to remedy, would have been a relatively low risk and positive co-parenting proposition. Better, after all, to have Randy fix it than just let it stay broken and then redeem whatever the court order offers in recompense. I ask you both to always take a minute and put yourselves in one another's shoes before doing anything else.

I hope that helps.

Thanks,
Maxwell

Randy -> Jean                                                                                                        02/13/2017 12:40 PM

Subject: Child Support - 2017 and beyond

There appears to be some confusion around child support. I had sent a message at 2:26 PM on 2/1/2017, which was first viewed at 3:49 PM, wherein I extended Lisa's invitation for you to reach out to her. I am not sure if you called her or not, but if you still have concerns, I would strongly recommend contacting her.

I have pulled the payment information into an Excel spreadsheet. Unfortunately, [the website] seems to mangle the format. I have reached out to their support in the hopes of finding a way to share that file with you. However, they have not yet been able to provide a solution.

If you are unsatisfied with the current payment frequency or any lag in the system, I would entertain the possibility of bringing that to a close and taking on the responsibility of paying you directly. I would set up an automatic payment through my Credit Union on the first of each month for the entire amount due that month. This would ensure I am never behind and would actually remove any fees being charged by the state. That is completely up to you, and we'd definitely need to coordinate it, to be certain we didn't encounter any gaps.

Jean -> Randy                                                                                                        02/13/2017 3:09 PM

Subject: RE: Child Support - 2017 and beyond

You are able to make extra payments in December as needed to ensure you are current at the end of the Year. I know you are aware of how to do this as you did it in December of 2015.

This topic is closed. I will not be responding to any further communication on the topic of taxes and child support.

If you have any additional issues with taxes or childsupport, you can have your lawyer contact mine.

Randy -> Jean                                                                                                        12/05/2017 7:47 PM

Subject: 2016 Taxes

I received a letter from the IRS informing me that they received a tax return from a taxpayer claiming a dependent or qualifying child with the same social security number as a dependent or qualifying child I claimed on my tax return. The SSN in question is Emma’s.

I suspect you received a similar letter.

On February 15th, 2017, my attorney sent physical and electronic mail to your attorney which detailed why I would be claiming Emma. We received no objection. In fact, we received no response at all.
I ask that you fill out the 1040X Amended U.S. Individual Income Tax Return, as detailed in the IRS letter, and notify me that you have done this.

I do not wish to draw my lawyer back into this conversation. If I am forced to do so, or if I incur expenses related to an audit that comes about by your failure to act, I will be requesting reimbursement, including the $375 that was already spent in having my attorney send that letter back in February.

Jean -> Randy                                                                                                        12/11/2017 8:53 AM

Subject: RE: 2016 Taxes

You were not entitled to claim the children in 2016. I was very clear about this and I did not provide you the form. Tax law is very clear that you may not claim Emma without this form. I did not provide the form and I repeatedly stated that I would not.
You will have to amend your tax return.
You are always welcome to have your lawyer contact my lawyer at your own expense.

Randy -> Jean                                                                                                        12/20/2017 3:18 PM

Subject: RE: 2016 Taxes

I tried to have my lawyer contact your lawyer (back in February).
Your lawyer never acknowledged the letter that was sent.

This shouldn't even have to involve lawyers in the first place, but, as that was your requested method of communication, the least I would have expected was a response.

I'm trying to determine where the communication breakdown is occurring:
From my lawyer to your lawyer,
from your lawyer to you,
from you back to your lawyer,
or from your lawyer back to my lawyer.

Can you please confirm whether or not you received communication from your lawyer regarding the letter sent on February 15th, 2017?

Randy -> Jean, Maxwell                                                                                        02/13/2018 7:48 AM

Subject: Additional Communication Concerns

I don't want to distract from the other topics currently in play, but I also don't want to further delay bringing these up. (I am trying to prevent "storing up issues" and then "dumping them all at once".)

I sent a message on 12/20/2017, which was first viewed on 12/29/2017.
I closed it with a simple question:
Can you please confirm whether or not you received communication from your lawyer regarding the letter sent on February 15th, 2017?

There has been no reply.

There has been a pattern of me sending messages, you viewing them, and then you ignoring them. This is not acceptable. We need to be able to communicate effectively and efficiently.

Jean -> Randy, Maxwell                                                                                        02/14/2018 6:31 AM

Subject: Additional Communication Concerns

I have stated multiple times that the issue of 2017 taxes is closed and I will not be responding to any further communications about it.

Maxwell -> Randy, Jean                                                                                        02/15/2018 1:55 PM

Subject: RE: Additional Communication Concerns

Without getting in to assigning blame or pointing fingers, I want to assert that each of you should respond to questions asked by your co-parent in a timely manner. Neither one of you is entitled to pick and choose which questions are valid and which are not. If, as Randy states here, he asked a question about where an issue stood (apparently, he sent a letter through the attorney and was looking for a response), then that question deserved a response. Without one, nothing is learned or resolved. Timely and consistent responses to questions asked is important. Everything falls away without it.
Thanks,
Maxwell

Randy -> Jean, Maxwell                                                                                        02/19/2018 9:22 AM

Subject: RE: Additional Communication Concerns

In light of Maxwell's clarification, I will repeat my question:
1) Can you please confirm whether or not you received communication from your lawyer regarding the letter my lawyer sent on February 15th, 2017?
The follow up questions:
a) If you did receive communication, can you explain why I haven't received a response?
b) If you did not receive communication, can you confirm whether or not J. Roberts is still your lawyer?

Jean -> Randy, Maxwell                                                                                        02/20/2018 11:54 AM

Subject: RE: Additional Communication Concerns

I have stated multiple times that the issue of 2017 taxes is closed and I will not be responding to any further communications about it.

Randy -> Jen, Maxwell                                                                                        02/20/2018 12:35 PM
Subject: RE: Additional Communication Concerns

Maxwell, I am speaking exclusively about an ongoing communication failure.

Jean announced that “something was wrong” (the specifics are irrelevant at this level of discussion).

I disagree with her claim. I told her this, but she has not acknowledged my objection.

She was unwilling to discuss it at all: she is right; there is nothing else to discuss. She told me to get my lawyer involved.

I did.

However, I received no response.

In this “black box” of communication, I can’t tell where the failure is occurring. Are my lawyer’s messages not reaching her lawyer? Is her lawyer unable to communicate with Jean? Is Jean not responding to her lawyer? Is her lawyer not getting back to my lawyer? I honestly don’t know, so I asked Jean.

She replied, “The issue is closed and she won’t respond.”

She’s not even willing to answer whether or not she heard anything.

She could have said, “I did get the message, but I’ve decided I’m right, so I’m done talking.” She could have said, “No, I didn’t get any messages, but even if I did, I wouldn’t reply because I know I am right.” I’d take issue with either of those replies, but, at the very least, it would be answering a simple question.


She does not get to unilaterally declare “how it will be” and close off any opportunity for discussion. She does not get to ignore me when it suits her wants. This contemptuous approach to correspondence is extremely frustrating and damaging to our ability to co-parent.

Maxwell -> Jean, Randy                                                                                       02/20/2018 3:45 PM
Subject: RE: Additional Communication Concerns

Hello -
Jennifer - I do not know what the 2017 taxes issue is, not really, but it seems clear that there is a question hanging out there that you are not answering. Are you unilaterally stating that the 2017 taxes issue is closed? What are you basing that on? Please know that you could be correct in your assertion that the matter is resolved, but without noting what that is based on, nothing is made clear - at least not to me.
Please, then, elaborate enough so that I can understand as I have been explicitly asked by Andy to further this conversation.
Thanks,
Matthew

Randy -> Jean, Maxwell                                                                                        02/23/2018 7:25 AM
Subject: Communication is broken

Communication is broken. Jean sent a message at 11:54 AM on Tuesday. I replied to this message 41 minutes later, at 12:35 PM. Maxwell replied at 3:22 PM. Jean has not even logged into the tool since she sent her message. She didn't log in on Tuesday. She didn't log in on Wednesday. She didn't log in on Thursday. It is now Friday.

We need to be able to communicate.
The current topic is her not responding to messages. This appears to have escalated to not even viewing messages.
Please help us.

Jean -> Randy, Maxwell                                                                                        02/23/2018 6:04 PM

Subject: RE: Additional Communication Concerns

Maxwell

I believe this issue is more properly titled the 2016 tax issue as it was about tax year 2016 although the issue came up in 2017 and has spanned that entire year and into 2018.

- This issue is closed because the 2016 tax season closed on April 15 2017.
- This issue is closed because it was a financial issue that was already ruled out of the scope of the powers of the parenting consultant on 2-7-2017 in an email from Maxwell with the subject RE: Taxes
- This issue is closed because I clearly stated my intent to hold Randy to the terms of the decree in two emails and in my actions of not providing the required form over a year ago.
- This issue is closed because I have consulted with my lawyer each time he has threatened me over this issue and she has advised me repeatedly that no further communication is necessary.


As I mentioned in the previous thread about the Christmas schedule, there is a recurring theme where I say no to something and Randy refuses to accept it and long drawn out communications occur in which I have to continually and repeatedly say no and in which I have to continually and repeatedly defend my right to say No.

So the shortest summary I can make of the issue here is this:

I said no.
Randy continues to refuse to accept it a full year later.


He wants to reframe this as a “communication issue” so that it is somehow “new” and now within the scope of parenting consultant powers. This way, he can continue to punish me financially by dragging on a no longer relevant conversation and racking up parenting consultant fees on a previously closed subject.

Since this issue was already closed a full year ago, I request that Randy assume all parenting consultant fees incurred related to this issue in 2018. 


Randy -> Jean, Maxwell                                                                                        02/23/2018 7:25 AM
Subject: RE: Additional Communication Concerns

The issue has always been about communication. As stated in my original message, back on 2/1/2017:
"I am sharing this, not seeking guidance or intervention with financial concerns or child support. Instead, I offer this as an example of a communication issue we seem to have."

A large part of why this has taken so long is Jean's ongoing refusal to acknowledge my messages or to respond with an actual answer. I had raised objections, even going to the point of working with a lawyer, at her demand, and she refused to respond. That is a communication issue.

Jean is cleverly trying to distract us, by suggesting this is out-of-scope or that it's been going on too long, but the fact remains that she is not communicating through OFW in a reliable manner:
* Messages were sent on Tuesday. She didn't log in until Friday.
* I've asked her a simple question ("Did you get the message from my lawyer?") and she still hasn't technically answered me.
* You have at least 2 outstanding questions for her, and she hasn't replied.
She continues to demonstrate that she gets to choose if and when she wishes to respond to things. She is now trying to further punish and silence me by demanding that I pay for working with you.

For the good of the girls, we need to be able to set aside any baggage, and communicate effectively.  


Maxwell -> Jean, Randy                                                                                       02/26/2018 8:11 AM
Subject: RE: Communication is broken
 
It is absolutely necessary that each of you log into the OFW and respond at least every 48 hours. You have children that travel between your two homes and timely communication is critically important. It is standard practice to insist that parties respond to messages within 24-48 hours. I am insisting that you both do that.
Thanks,
Maxwell