Checking in on "my friends"... "Randy" and "Jean"

Randy -> Jean                               Winter vacation

8/18/19 7:40 PM

I would like to take one of my week-long vacations with the girls. I don't want to take them out of school. I'm wondering if you'd be willing to swap Christmas (mine) and New Years (yours) this year. If we swap those, I would then take my week of time from Monday 12/30 through Monday 1/6. To avoid a three-weekends-in-a-row situation, I'd swap 1/10-1/12 (mine) for 1/3-1/5 (yours).

Here's how the weekends look now and would look with this change:

Fr Sa Su now... new

06 07 08 Jean.... Jean
13 14 15 Randy Randy
20 21 22 Jean.... Jean
27 28 29 Randy Randy
03 04 05 Jean.... Randy
10 11 12 Randy Jean
17 18 19 Jean.... Jean
24 25 26 Randy Randy

Jean -> Randy                               Re: Winter vacation

8/20/19 10:46 PM

I already have plans for my holiday and my weekend.

Randy -> Jean                               Re: Winter vacation

8/29/19 10:25 PM

As you’ve pointed out, missing school is particularly hard on Emma. Since that second week of winter break is booked with your vacation, I’d like to take a vacation during the first week. The current obstacle being that you have them from 5pm on the 24th through noon on the 25th. Is there any trade I could offer that would allow me to have an entire week while the girls are out of school?

Jean -> Randy                               Re: Winter vacation

8/30/19 11:59 AM

I already have plans for my Christmas Eve Holiday.

Jean -> Randy                               vacation

8/30/19 11:59 AM

I noticed you scheduled vacation in December.

You will need to adjust this schedule due to the following issues
- each vacation is 7 days and they cannot be schedule back to back
- Neither parent is to have 3 weekends in a row

Please adjust your vacation to comply with the agreement.

Randy -> Jean                               re: vacation

9/20/19 9:01 AM

My family will be taking a vacation in December.

Our first choice is to swap Christmas and New Years and take a trip in the window from 12/28 - 1/5.

Our second choice is to offer some sort of trade for Christmas Eve night, so that we could go in the window from 12/21 - 12/28.

You have chosen to block both of these, which is your right. Unfortunately, that leaves us with our least desirable option, which is to take our trip somewhere in the window from 12/11 - 12/23. This means the girls missing up to 8 days of school when they could very easily miss none.

The choice is your. I'm asking you to consider what is in the best interests of the girls. If you honestly feel that having the girls with you for the 19 hours from 12/24 @ 5:00 pm through 12/25 @ noon is worth putting them through the stress and hassle of missing school, I will enter the requisite trade of your weekend (12/20 - 12/23) for my weekend (12/27 - 12/30; minus the time through 12/28 noon, which is Christmas and redundantly giving you the time from 12/29 noon onward, which you already have as the New Years holiday).

Jean -> Randy                               re: vacation

9/21/19 8:40 AM

I have already made all of my holiday plans, including plans for my weekend of dec 20. This holiday time is very important to me and also to the girls. As my family lives very far away it is in the girls best interests not to miss the opportunity to see them.

Next year, you will have a week at new year's to take a vacation over a holiday. This year it is my turn.

If you wish to take a vacation during this busy season this year, you are certainly able to do so, You can pick 7 days between dec 9 and dec 20 (at 3 when the weekend begins). These days are outside of the busy holiday schedule that has previously been agreed on.

Randy -> Jean                               re: vacation

9/24/19 8:53 PM

I’m sorry that you have plans for the weekend of December 20, but I am taking vacation over that time, so you will need to reschedule your plans. It is unfortunate that you are unwilling to share the winter break equally so the girls will not have to miss school in order to have quality time and vacation with both of their families.

I was not able to schedule a family vacation over the summer due to the holidays, your 2 vacations, and the activities that you schedule for the girls throughout the entire summer. That is why I am taking vacation in December and again in March.

If you'd like to reconsider trades that would allow me to take a vacation either the first or second week of winter break, please let me know. Otherwise I will proceed as I have already announced.

Jean -> Randy                               re: vacation

9/26/19 5:21 PM

I have already said no. You will need to schedule your vacation for 7 days between dec 9 and dec 20 at 3:00.

Randy -> Jean                               December vacation

10/30/19 10:32 PM

The week of 12/14 - 12/20 will not work for our trip this year.

I am still open to trades that would allow for either the 1st or 2nd week of winter break.
If neither of those work, I will need the time from 12/17 5:00 pm - 12/24 5:00 pm.
I would prefer not having to take the girls out of school.
Please look your plans over and let me know which option you'd like to pursue.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December vacation

11/5/19 11:27 AM

I have already said no. You will need to schedule your vacation for 7 days between dec 9 and dec 20 at 3:00.

Jean -> Randy                               December Schedule

12/2/19 9:56 PM

I see you now have two copies of each vacation entry for December.

I have already stated that you cannot have the girls for two consecutive vacations extending from Dec 9th through Dec 24th. This is a 15 day period.

As stated in the divorce decree, vacation is a 7 day period.

Please pick 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 at 3:00pm by Wed Dec 4, otherwise we will simply follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/3/19 11:17 PM

I left the "trade instances" on the calendar to show that my request had been entered back in September. You are welcome to reject them as their records will still exist.

Where in the decree does it state that a parent may not have 14 consecutive nights with the girls?

Where in the decree does it state that vacations can't be back-to-back?
Where in the decree does it state that plans made by one parent during their own regular parenting time can prevent the other parent from taking vacation time?

I believe minimizing the amount of time out of school serves the girls' best interests. As such, I am willing to not take my first week of vacation this year, under the condition that I may use those days next year. Therefore, my vacation will then simply be from 5:00 pm on 12/17 through 5:00 pm on 12/24. This is the vacation that I entered on September 1st, which is well before the 30 day notification requirement. Any attempt to block me from having this time will be denial of parenting time on your part.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 9:31 AM

Vacation cannot be carried over. The decree clearly states

"Each party shall have up to two vacation periods, each lasting up to seven days"

Dec 13 to Dec 24 is 10 days not 7 days.

I would be happy for you to have vacation Dec 13 at 3pm to Dec 20 at 3pm. Which is a 7 day period.

If these are the days you would like, please enter the trade from Dec 16 at 8am - Dec 20th at 3pm.

If these are not the days you would like, please pick 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 at 3:00pm by today, Wed Dec 4, otherwise we will simply follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 2:54 PM

The vacation that I have entered is from December 17th at 5:00 pm through December 24th at 5:00 pm.

Any attempt to block me from this will be considered a denial of parenting time.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 3:39 PM

I have indicated multiple times that I am unable and unwilling to trade away my regular parenting time on the weekend of Dec 20-22.

You cannot have vacation over these days.

Saying no to trading away my weekend, is not a denial of your parenting time.

There are many different ways you can schedule a 7 day vacation between Dec 9 and Dec 20 at 3.

Please pick 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 at 3:00pm by today, Wed Dec 4, otherwise we will simply follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 5:55 PM

My vacation time is from 12/17 at 5:00 pm through 12/24 at 5:00 pm. I entered it over 30 days in advance and it does not conflict with any holidays.

I am not asking you to “trade away” your regular parenting time. That time is no longer your parenting time because “Vacation time has priority over the regular weekly parenting time schedule.” (5.f)

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 6:14 PM

Please pick 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 at 3:00pm by today, Wed Dec 4, otherwise we will simply follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 7:29 PM

Can you please tell me which clause in the decree gives you the power to restrict which days I can take as my vacation?

My vacation is from 12/17 at 5 pm through 12/24 at 5 pm.

I’m sorry if this is inconvenient for you. In the future, I would prefer discussion, negotiation, and compromise earlier in the process.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/4/19 8:59 PM

Please pick 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 at 3:00pm by today, Wed Dec 4, otherwise we will simply follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/5/19 8:54 PM

As you did not choose 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 for your vacation, We will follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/5/19 9:41 PM

I have two validly requested vacations on the calendar.
You've announced that you intend to deny me both of them.

You do not have the right to impose a deadline and then try to state that the December schedule will be reset because I didn't meet it to your liking.

As we appear to be at an impasse, and in the best interest of the girls, I will modify my vacations as follows:
- I will shorten my first vacation to be from 12/10 at 5:00 pm through 12/13 at 5:00 pm.
- I will shorten my second vacation to be from 12/17 at 5:00 pm through 12/20 at 3:00 pm.

This allows my family to spend time with the girls and won't interfere with the trip you have planned during your regular parenting time.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/5/19 10:00 PM

As you did not choose 7 days between Dec 9 and 20 for your vacation, We will follow the regular/holiday schedule for all of December.

This subject is closed.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/5/19 10:07 PM

I actually only chose 6. (12/10 - 12/13 is 3. 12/17 - 12/20 is 3.)
Furthermore, there's not a restriction as to how of my vacation days I can take in a given month.

This is yet another example of powers you are claiming for yourself that are not spelled out in the decree. Please stop trying to deny my time with the girls.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/7/19 10:48 PM

Melanie tells me that you texted her that she would be with you for vacation next week.
She is very concerned about being at your home for 7 days now that Corina is smoking but she indicated that she would still very much like to go.

She also indicated that you told her that the vacation would be from
Monday Dec 9 after school until monday Dec 16 before school.
With the added note that Melanie would like to come here after school on Tuesday Dec 10 to dress and do hair for her concert and then go back to your house after the concert

This does not match the current entries on the calendar, nor does it match anything you have stated in the past on this subject. I do not see any new trades entered to confirm this is your request.

This is a 7 day period as I have requested, so I can agree to this. Please confirm if this is your new vacation plan. If so please enter the necessary trade for Dec 10-Dec 13

Noella also mentioned that you texted. I am encouraging her to make plans for a dinner with you.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/8/19 1:49 PM

The calendar had already been updated.
* 12/9 is my regular Monday parenting time.
* I had already shortened my first vacation to now go from 12/10 at 5:00 pm through 12/13 at 5:00 pm. (3 days instead of the 7 to which I am entitled.)
* My regularly scheduled weekend with the girls is from 12/13 a 5:00 pm through 12/16 at 8:00 am.
* I had already shortened my second vacation to now go from 12/17 at 5:00 pm through 12/20 at 3:00 pm. (3 days instead of the 7 to which I am entitled.)

I don't need to enter any "trades". As you had recently reminded me, vacations are simply entered as "events" and don't require approval from the other parent.

If you need me to have on the calendar the fact that Melanie asked to ride Tuesday's afternoon bus to your house, so that you can do her hair, and that I'd take her home after the concert I certainly could. Since she paused our FaceTime to go ask you about this option, I figured you were on board.

With respect to my second vacation, Melanie was initially quite worried about spending 2 straight weeks away from mommy. I hadn't actually mentioned anything about the second week yet. However, she and I talked through the fact that she was definitely going back to mommy’s house in the afternoon on Monday, 12/16. I also told her that, if she didn't feel she had had enough time with mommy, I'd be fine with her going back to your house on any of those other nights. I just wanted her to know that she's definitely welcome to be here.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/8/19 3:03 PM

It is important that the calendar reflects agreement on where the children will be sleeping each night. Since your vacation is partly on my parenting time, there is need of an agreed on trade that clearly indicates the schedule. My vacation over new years occurs entirely within my regular parenting time, so I did not need to create a trade. This is not to imply that your vacation does not require a trade.

If you intend to have vacation with Melanie from Dec 9 at 3 to Dec 16 at 3 then my parenting time from 6:30 on Dec 10 until your weekend begins Fri Dec 13 at 5 needs to be properly traded so that the calendar is accurate. Those days are still my days until there is an agreed trade.

If you enter that trade I will be happy to accept it.

Melanie will be with me the week of Dec 16 -20 so there is no need for any trade to be entered for that time.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/9/19 12:00 AM

The decree states:
(5.e) Each party shall have up to two vacation periods, each lasting up to seven days, with the minor children each year. Petitioner's 4th of July week with family shall be considered one of her two vacation periods. Each party shall provide the other written notice of their intended use of vacation time at least thirty (30) days prior to use. Parents may claim vacation on a first in time basis.

Nowhere in the decree does it say that the non-vacationing parent has the right to refuse vacation time. In fact, the decree continues in the next paragraph:
(5.f) Holidays have priority over the regular weekly parenting time schedule and vacation time. Vacation time has priority over the regular weekly parenting time schedule.

The fact that some of my vacation time falls on your regular parenting time is a product of the fact that I have no 7-day spans in the regular parenting schedule. You, on the other hand, have a 7-day span every 2 weeks.

It appears that entering my vacations as "events" doesn't update the overnights in the monthly thumbnail. I've edited both of my "trades" to reflect the same spans. Please accept them and then the calendar will show the appropriate coloring throughout.

Jean -> Randy                               re: December Schedule

12/9/19 8:28 AM

You updated an event not a trade. I went ahead and created a trade on your behalf. Please accept it to allow the calendar to be accurate and indicate that you will have your vacation Dec 9 3:00 through Dec 16 3:00.

I was not able to include tomorrow in the trade (Dec 10). However, we will follow the schedule Melanie requested despite the inaccuracy of the calendar. I will bring her to the concert, and she will go to your house after the concert.

Please let me know if you will be out of town any of those days, Melanie indicated you were staying home but Noella said there was a water park trip.

Randy -> Jean                               re: December Schedule

12/9/19 10:16 AM

Due to the struggles in getting on the same page regarding my vacations (which I still believe we haven't fully), we have had to move the out-of-town portion of our trip to December 26th. I have added that event.

We will be in town on the 11th, so I'd like to confirm where I should be taking Melanie for confirmation. I searched the calendar and info bank, but found no details.