Social Interaction Puzzle

I encountered a social interaction that perplexed me. I invite you to put yourself into this puzzle and consider your reaction. To do so, you'll need to fill the following roles with people you know:
- Cousin. Preferably of an age that them having a longtime relationship seems reasonable. (If you don't have such a cousin, you can substitute someone else. We're looking for someone you more-or-less trust, regardless of how close you are to them or how much you like them.)
- Significant Other. Your own sweetie. Could be spouse, long term relationship, or even your newest fling. (I imagine longer relationship might help the experiment, but who knows.)
- Friend of Significant Other. Someone you might know, but they were initially your SO's friend. (Note - This person should be in a different social circle than your cousin. We're looking to create some horizontal distance.)
- Friend of Significant Other's Partner. As with your own relationship, this could be long lived or recent.

The more of these people who actually exist, the better. However, let's say your partner's buddy is presently unattached... you can give them a fictitious spouse.

Here's the situation. Remember, this is all imaginary, but try your best to assign people to the roles and see how it feels.

Your cousin breaks up with their partner (henceforth "the Ex"). (This could be divorce, called off engagement, or a break up, but this is a fairly major event.)
Your cousin shares some private details regarding the Ex. (We'll come back to this later.)
You are happily in a relationship with your Significant Other.
Your Significant Other has a long-time friend.
This friend has a partner.
You happen to see a photo (on Facebook or something like that) of that couple (friend and partner) along with Someone Else... and the Ex.

Hypothetically, what information would your cousin have to have shared with you regarding the Ex that would cause you to feel compelled to reach out to your Significant Other's Friend's Partner, to strongly encourage them to warn this other person about the Ex?

Here are some possible examples of things you might have learned:
- The Ex cheated on their taxes.
- The Ex cheated on your cousin.
- The Ex cheated at Monopoly as a child.
- The Ex has a drug addiction.
- The Ex has a gambling addition.
- The Ex has a pornography addiction.
- The Ex has a Candy Crush addiction.
- The Ex has a Jane's Addiction CD collection.
- The Ex has poor grammar.
- The Ex has poor hygiene.
- The Ex has poor circulation.
- The Ex is a poor tipper.
- The Ex is a poor lover.
- The Ex is a poor sport.
- The Ex is simply poor.
- The Ex once hit a hole in the wall.
- The Ex once hit a hole in one in golf.
- The Ex once hit a whole bunch of garden gnomes with a riding lawn mower.
- The Ex once killed a man to watch him die.
- The Ex once poured out a perfectly good bottle of wine.
- The Ex once thought Star Wars: Episode I was the best of the series.
- The Ex once mowed their lawn naked.
- The Ex once showed up at a funeral in a clown costume.
- The Ex roots for [rival sports team].
- The Ex feels [not your favorite candidate] would be a good president.
- The Ex doesn't always wash hands after handling raw meat.
- The Ex drives alone in the HOV lane.
- The Ex doesn't come to complete stops at stop signs.
- The Ex doesn't wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming.

Can anybody help me?... [chirping sounds]

[Support Rep]:    Welcome to [Cell Company] Andy ! My name is [Support Rep] and I hope you're doing great today. Please let me know how can I help you to make your day even better
Me:    Good morning, [Support Rep]. I am hoping you can make my day even better.
Me:    I've been a [Cell Company] user since September of last year. Very happy. Things are wonderful.
Me:    I have one minor annoyance and I'd like to fix it.
Me:    I am enrolled in autopay. This is wonderful and working correctly.
Me:    However, on the 14th of each month, all 3 of the phones on my group plan receive a text that states the following:
Me:    Just a quick [Cell Company] reminder! Your monthly Auto payment for account ######### will be processed tomorrow for $##.##. You can always manage your Auto Pay by logging into your account at [Cell Company].com or using the My [Cell Company] app.
Me:    Then, on the 15th, we all get this message:
Me:    Got it. This is [Cell Company] confirming we received your $##.## payment for account #########. Did you know that you can manage your account at [Cell Company].com?
Me:    Last month, I had a chat and tried to get this notification turned off. They tried updating my settings. However, I got the "Just a quick [Cell Company] reminder!" again.
Me:    So, on Monday, I chatted again.
Me:    After both the 2/15 and 3/14 chats, I got this text:
Me:    A heads up from [Cell Company]! Changes were made to your My [Cell Company] account. You can check out your account at [Cell Company].com or using the My [Cell Company] app.
Me:    So, I could tell some update had been made.
Me:    However, on Tuesday, subsequent to my chat and receiving a pair of "A heads up from [Cell Company]!", I once again got the "Got it." text.
Me:    I know this is not a major deal. I know I'm not getting charged for texts.
Me:    But, it is annoying to get this pair of texts every month.
[Support Rep]:    Please let me check your account
Me:    Yes please. By all means. :)
[Support Rep]:    : )
[Support Rep]:    The notifications that you are receiving are automatic by the system
Me:    Correct. I would like them disabled.
[Support Rep]:    OK
[Support Rep]:    I am going to perform a change on your account
[Support Rep]:    Let me know if you got the notification
Me:    Yes. I got a notification
[Support Rep]:    About what?
Me:    A quick [Cell Company] account update: The number [my cell number] you asked us to send messages to regarding your Auto Pay credit card is no longer on your account. If we need to remind you about an expiring card we will send a message to [my dad's number]. To change the number, use the My [Cell Company] app or log in at [Cell Company].com
[Support Rep]:    After that
[Support Rep]:    No other?
Me:    That's the only one so far.
Me:    In truth, [my number] is the "primary" account, and it's the other 2 that really don't need any notifications.
Me:    Then, on my primary line, I'd like to only receive notifications of things that require my attention. I don't really need a pair of texts each month reminding me that I've signed up for a program that is supposed to let me not think or worry about my billing each month. ;)
Me:    I just got another notify
Me:    A heads up from [Cell Company]! Changes were made to your My [Cell Company] account. You can check out your account at [Cell Company]qireless.com or using the My [Cell Company] app.
[Support Rep]:    Yes
Me:    And another.
Me:    A heads up from [Cell Company]! Changes were made to your My [Cell Company] account. You can check out your account at [Cell Company]qireless.com or using the My [Cell Company] app.
[Support Rep]:    Yes, I was testing that
Me:    Yup. I'm just reporting the results. :)
[Support Rep]:    It seems that disable this is not working
[Support Rep]:    Have you tried
[Support Rep]:    Registering your phone number here https://www.donotcall.gov
Me:    Really? I need to put myself on a do not call list. Shouldn't [Cell Company] be able to stop sending me messages, without getting the .gov involved?
Me:    Are you able to tell if these are also being sent to my parents?
Me:    At the very least, I'd like to turn those off.
Me:    [###-###-####] Andy (me); [###-###-####] mom; [###-###-####] dad
Me:    Mom and Dad got confused about both of them having a payment of $90 due the next day. They were worried that they needed to do something, and that it meant our total bill was $270, which freaked them out.
Me:    So, I'd like the "account management" type texts to only be sent to [my number]
[Support Rep]:    I understand your request Andy
Me:    And then, in addition to that, if I could turn off the auto-pay related messages, that would be great.
[Support Rep]:    I submit the request from here and you are still receiving the notifications
[Support Rep]:    That is the only tool that we have
Me:    Hmm. Does someone else have more tools?
[Support Rep]:    The website that I gave you
Me:    DoNotCall.gov
[Support Rep]:    Correct
Me:    That sounds drastic.
Me:    I'll go out there and take a look, but I'm imagining that's the national Do Not Call list. I don't want to disable all texts to my phone, or even all texts from businesses.
Me:    Just the pair of monthly autopay notifications from [Cell Company].
[Support Rep]:    Those would be sent to your phone number
[Support Rep]:    That is the one enable to
[Support Rep]:    Andy?
Me:    Hmm. I just pulled up that website. I don't really think it's the correct solution to this problem.
Me:    The 3 main options are: Register a Phone Number; Verify a Registration; Submit a Complaint.
Me:    I think, if I register, it would mean no companies should attempt to reach me.
Me:    And then, if I kept getting these auto pay notices, that I'd "file a complaint", but I don't want to get [Cell Company] into some sort of trouble.
[Support Rep]:    From here I just submit the request again, even tough I am going to provider your account number to my supervisor can escalated the situation
Me:    So, on your end, what you can see about the numbers on my group account, do you see them as enabled or disabled?
[Support Rep]:    Disabled to receive those notifications
Me:    So, from what you're seeing, if I hadn't told you I was still getting texts, you would believe that everything should be turned off and I shouldn't be getting any. Correct?
[Support Rep]:    Correct
Me:    Is there some way to report a system bug? It seems like something isn't quite behaving as it probably should be, and the technical development team would need to code a change.
[Support Rep]:    Yes, I am going to give to my supervisor your account number in order to resolve it
Me:    Cool. If they want to reach out to me, I would welcome that. I'm happy to help trying to get this resolved.
[Support Rep]:    Sure, we will get in touch with you
Me:    Awesome. Thanks.
[Support Rep]:    You are welcome Andy



It doesn't seem like it should be this hard. They are in the communication business. 3 different support chats, trying to something "as drastic" as turning disabling an automated notify. At the very least, one should be able to choose that the notifies only go to the primary account. 

But when they recommended I "solve it" by going to DoNotCall.gov?!? Are you kidding me? (Andy: "Uhm, yeah, my chicken seems a little under-done. Any chance you could throw it back in the oven for a few more minutes?" Server: "Sorry, bra. What you might want to do is eat it, and then, if you get sick, go to the emergency room. They can take care of you.")

Kids say... Taking it on the chin

Setup: I'm messaging Cory about the pick up time for a sleep over birthday party. Melanie (8) is nearby and, out of the blue, makes an observation.

Melanie: Oh... Your chin looks like butt cheeks.

Much laughter ensued.

Support Chat. (Not the droids I'm looking for.)

welcome to [Reputable Retailer] Chat.

You are now connected to Roxane.
Roxane: Thanks for shopping on [ReputableRetailer].com. My name is Roxane. How can I help you?  
Andy: Good morning, Roxane. I received an email about an order I placed and I'm a little perplexed.
Andy: It informed me that there was an unexpected delay. Here, I'll just paste it here.
Roxane: Good Morning, Andy. 
Andy: We just found out about an unexpected delay that affects your order (Order #xxxxxxxxxxxx) placed on 12/13/2015. We're sorry, but we may not be able to deliver your item(s) by the estimated delivery date you received with your original order. If you still want your item(s), you will need to approve the new estimated delivery date(s) by visiting your order detail page. We will do our best to fulfill the delayed item(s) from your order, but if we can't, we will let you know as soon as possible. If we don't hear from you, your item(s) will be canceled. You may also visit your order detail page to cancel item(s) if they are backordered or if you no longer want them. Remember, you will not be charged for any item until it ships. If items need to ship separately, your shipping charges will not increase.
Andy: The thing that is puzzling to me is that the "default behavior", as in, if I took no action, would be to cancel my order.
Roxane: I'm sorry for the inconvenience caused.  
Roxane: Let me check and help you.   
Roxane: Could you provide order number and email address?
Andy: It was easy enough to follow the link, and things are back on track, but I'm struggling to imagine why, by default, a delayed order would become cancelled.
Andy: Order #xxxxxxxxxxxx
Andy: [username]@yahoo.com
Roxane: Thank you.
Roxane: To confirm, are you referring about the items, The Matrix Collection: 4 Film Favorites [WS] [2 Discs] and Mighty No. 9 (Wii U)?
Andy: I took action on Mighty No. 9.
Andy: I didn't think the Matrix had any issues.
Andy: But, yes, that is the order in question.
Roxane: Thank you for confirming. 
Roxane: Would you mind waiting a few minutes while I check into that?
Andy: Not at all.
Andy: Go right ahead.
Andy: I guess, while you're looking at that order, the other oddity is that for the iHome Bluetooth Rechargeable Mini Speaker Cube (iBT16BB) it shows the delivery progress as "Shipped", but not "Delivered".
Andy: I have that speaker.
Roxane: Thanks for waiting. I appreciate your patience.
Roxane: I have checked the order and see that item you are referring is back ordered. 
Roxane: It’s possible your [ReputableRetailer].com order status may read “Backordered”.          
Roxane: This indicates an order delay because an item is temporarily out of stock. The item will ship as soon as it’s in stock.                   
Roxane: You may receive an email asking you to approve a delay in the order shipment.                                   
Roxane: You’ll continue to receive emails if there are any changes to the order status, and when the item ships.                      
Roxane: If you don’t want to wait for the item, you can also request to cancel the order.
Andy: Everything you just described makes sense.
Andy: However
Andy: The email I got, informing me of the delay, indicated that -- If I do nothing in response to the email ... my order would be canceled.
Andy: That's the part that makes no sense to me.
Roxane: Need not to worry, you will continue to receive emails if there are any changes to the order status, and when the item ships.
Andy: I totally appreciate "Hey, that item you ordered and we said we could get you by Friday... yeah, we're out of that. We'll get it to you as soon as we can."
Andy: And to such a message I might say, "Oh... well, I really can't wait. I guess I'll have to find another way to get it. Can we cancel it?"
Andy: That exchange makes sense to me.
Andy: But, what the email I got seems to imply is:
Roxane: Yes, you can also request to cancel the order.   
Andy: "Hey, that item you ordered and we said we could get you by Friday... yeah, we're out of that. We assume you don't want it anymore. If that's not the case, you'd better tell us that."
Andy: To be clear, I do still want my items and I have taken the action.
Andy: I just think the course of action prescribed by the email seems backwards.
Roxane: If you don't want the item, you can return the item to any [Reputable Retailer] store or online for full refund.
Andy: Hmmm. I feel you are missing my point.
Andy: I love [Reputable Retailer].
Andy: I'm pleased with your services.
Andy: I'm happy with my order.
Andy: I understand your return policies and how to cancel an item.
Andy: What I don't understand is why the email was indicating that it was going to cancel my order because of the delay, unless I did something about it.
Andy: It wasn't hard for me to do my part.
Andy: I just don't think that's the right way to go about it.
Roxane: It's great to hear, we would like our guest to be satisfied for there needs and wants and I will share you comments to your concerned department. 
Roxane: Would you like me to cancel the item The Matrix Collection: 4 Film Favorites [WS] [2 Discs] on behalf of you?
Andy: No thank you. I would like to receive everything I ordered.
Roxane: Okay, Andy.  
Andy: Is there a comments section or feedback location?
Andy: I'd like to share my concern with the shipping/delivery/email notification area.
Roxane: Yes, once you end the chat you will receive the survey form to fill your feedback. 
Andy: Cool.
Andy: I did have one other question about my order.
Roxane: I'm sorry, you can share your concern with the shipping/delivery/email at guest.service@[ReputableRetailer].com.  
Roxane: Please go ahead!
Andy: I'm actually moving soon, so, with the estimated delay to Mighty No. 9, I might prefer it shipped to my new address. Is it possible to do that?
Andy: The Matrix should still go where I had requested.
Roxane: I'm sorry, once the order is placed, we can't edit or make any changes to the order.  
Andy: Ok. I'll still be able to pick it up at the current/old address. Just thought I'd ask.
Andy: I believe I'm all set.
Roxane: Do you have any further questions for me?
Andy: Not at this time. Thank you.
Andy: Have a great day.
Roxane: Have a blessed day!
Roxane: Thanks for shopping on [ReputableRetailer].com. I hope you'll visit us again soon!

Not Quite on Target

Today I received the following email:

hello Andrew,

We just found out about an unexpected delay that affects your order (Order #xxxxxxxxxxxx) placed on 12/13/2015. We're sorry, but we may not be able to deliver your item(s) by the estimated delivery date you received with your original order.

If you still want your item(s), you will need to approve the new estimated delivery date(s) by visiting your order detail page. We will do our best to fulfill the delayed item(s) from your order, but if we can't, we will let you know as soon as possible.

If we don't hear from you, your item(s) will be canceled. You may also visit your order detail page to cancel item(s) if they are backordered or if you no longer want them.

Remember, you will not be charged for any item until it ships. If items need to ship separately, your shipping charges will not increase.

Thanks for shopping at [Reputable Retailer].
Team [Reputable Retailer]


I feel that the default behavior -- what would happen if I took no action -- is wrong.

If I'm reading things correctly, it means that, because of an unexpected delay, unless I do something, my order will be canceled.

Here's what I would have expected:
[Retailer]: Hey, that item you ordered and we said we could get you by Friday... yeah, we're out of that. We'll get it to you as soon as we can.

To which I'd reply either:
Customer: Ok. Thanks for letting me know. I look forward to getting it when it's available.
<OR>
Customer: Oh... well, I really can't wait. I guess I'll have to find another way to get it. Can we cancel that order?
[Retailer]: Sure thing. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Customer: That's ok. No big deal.

But here's what the email I got feels like:
[Retailer]: Hey, that item you ordered and we said we could get you by Friday... yeah, we're out of that. We assume you don't want it anymore. If that's not the case, you'd better tell us that.

If I was ordering something time sensitive, like a pizza or flowers for a wedding, I could see not necessarily wanting my shipment days later. I clearly would have had to make different arrangements. But, for a video game? Sure, I'd like to start playing it next week, but I won't suddenly "not want to play it" the following week.


I sent the above to [Reputable Retailer] in an email. I actually tried using live support chat, but that was like two ships passing in the night. I think I'll post that here, too. We were definitely on different pages. Oh well.

Riddle me this

Question:
If I were a numerical field, I would only allow 7 significant digits.
If I were a song, I would be released individually.
If I were an at bat in baseball, I would involve a hit allowing the runner to safely reach 1st base, but not advance further.
What am I?

Answer:
A dork.

Correct, but that's not the answer I was looking for.

An email exchange between "my friends"... "Randy" and "Jean"

From: Randy
To: Jean
Sent: Saturday, June 13, 2015 2:42 PM
Subject: Gullyfest (8/21)

Trident's Employee Appreciation Outing is on Friday, August 21st.
I would like to take the girls.
It is logistically easiest if I have them Thursday night.
It is logistically easiest if I keep them overnight on Friday as well.
I'm flexible on return time: could be Saturday after breakfast, after lunch, or after dinner.
I could even keep them until Sunday, if you prefer.

Please let me know your thoughts.

 

From: Jean
To: Randy                                                                           
Sent: Sunday, June 14, 2015 7:27 PM
Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

I would be willing to trade weekends so you can take the girls to Gullyfest.

I will keep them the weekend of the 14-16 and you will have them thursday aug 20 at 5 until sat aug 22 at 4 pm. 

They have swimming lessons on that thursday so we could not make it downtown by 5. I would recommend you pick them up at the house at 5, that should give them time to change get home and change into dry clothes. 

I have updated the calendar to reflect this trade. Please confirm this meets your needs.

 

From: Randy                     
To: Jean
Sent: Sunday, June 14, 2015 8:18 PM
Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

I do not wish to exchange weekends. I would like to request additional parenting time (as set forth in section 4.a).
I am hereby requesting such time (in writing at least 48 hours in advance of the parenting time).

I am fine with picking them up at the house at 5pm on Thursday and returning them to the house at 4pm on Saturday.

Please let me know if this is acceptable to you.

 

From: Jean
To: Randy                                                                           
Sent: Sunday, June 14, 2015 8:32 PM
Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

That is not acceptable to me. 

If you are not willing to trade, you can have them on Friday only. 

You can pick them up in the morning at 8:30am which should give you time to get back to Gullyfest and return them at 8pm or sooner. 

 

From: Randy                     
To: Jean
Sent: Sunday, June 14, 2015 8:45 PM
Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

I have received your message. I will have to get back to you later. (Hopefully tomorrow.)

Sent from my iPod

 

From: Randy                     
To: Jean
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2015 6:54 AM
Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

I feel this exchange reinforces our need for a Parental Counselor.

Fortunately, we don't need to make a final decision on the logistics surrounding Gullyfest until August.

I would like to table further discussion of this topic for the time being.

 

From: Randy                     
To : Jean
CC : Randy’s Lawyer                       
Sent:  Wednesday, August 12, 2015 6:37 AM 
Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

The Gullyfest outing is quickly approaching and we are to the point where we must agree on the plan. I had expected we would have had a PC in place by now, but, as we do not, we must work through this without such aid.

I wish to pick up the girls at the house at 5 pm on Thursday, August 20th and return them to the house by 4 pm on Saturday the 22nd, as you had proposed in your reply on June 14th.

I do not wish to exchange weekends.

I feel mine has been a reasonable request for additional parenting time (as set forth in section 4.a).
I had requested this in writing and at least 48 hours in advance of the parenting time.
I am once again requesting it and again doing so, in writing, at least 48 hours in advance of the parenting time.

I am not, in fact, requesting 3 weekends in a row. You will have the girls by 4 pm on Saturday and all of Sunday. They can handle not seeing you for a Saturday, Friday, and following Saturday in a row. If you'd like to discuss spans of insufficient time with a parent, allow me to suggest the following:

* 11/28 - 12/18 (21 days): I saw them twice on Monday evenings and Melody missed one of them (12/15) when she was sick. I wasn't even allowed to give her a hug.
* 6/22 - 7/11 (20 days): I saw them once, for 2.5 hours on a Monday.
* And, had I not pushed for a swap, I would have gone from 4/27 to 5/21 (25 days) only seeing them on 2 Mondays: the first of which involved Melody's gymnastics until 6:00 and the second being the Orchestra Picnic.

We need to get to a point where we are able to communicate more efficiently. The girls' schedules will only become increasingly full and we simply can't spend over a month dealing with something as basic as taking them to Gullyfest. We must move past adversarial and territorial and actually put the girls' best interest first.

 

From: Jean

To: Randy                                                                           

Sent: Wednesday, August 12, 2015 3:29 PM 

Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

You continue to ask for 3 weekends in a row without any willingness to trade. This is not reasonable. I am happy to give you an extra day for Gullyfest, Since I have just learned Emma has a concert on Thursday Aug 20, I think it makes sense for you to pick them up Thursday after the concert and drop them off at the house Friday at 8 pm as reflected in the google calendar.

Unless you make a proposal to trade time, I consider this discussion closed.

 

From: Randy                     

To: Jean

CC: Randy’s Lawyer                        

Sent: Thursday, August 13, 2015 1:21 PM 

Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

"You continue to ask for 3 weekends in a row without any willingness to trade. This is not reasonable."

Really?
In the past year I've had:
0 Tuesdays
2 Wednesdays (Thanksgiving & New Year's)
2 Thursdays (Thanksgiving & New Year's)
I have gone without Saturday overnights for 7 months and without Sunday overnights for the whole year.
... and you have the audacity to claim that I need to "give something up" in order to spend "3 weekends in a row"?

Actually, I'd like to review the term "weekend".

For the first 7 months, a "weekend" consisted of the period from Friday at 5 pm to Saturday at 7 pm; that's 26 hours. Later, we expanded my "weekend" to be from Friday at 5 pm to Sunday at 4 pm; that's 47 hours.

If I return the girls at 4 pm on Saturday, you will have them from that point through Monday, which is 32 hours. If you'd like to say that we should stop counting time after 8 pm on Sunday, because that's just time getting ready for bed before a workday, that would still give you a 28 hour span. No matter how you slice it, you are getting more than what I was forced to accept as a "weekend".

In my initial request, I stated the following:

"I'm flexible on return time: could be Saturday after breakfast, after lunch, or after dinner."
At what point on Saturday would you need to have the girls before you would consider yourself as "having had a weekend"? If you'd like them back closer to noon, we could do that. If you want to pick them up at 10:00 am, that would be fine, too.

 

From: Jean                         
To: Randy           

CC: Jean's Lawyer                           

Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2015 10:33 AM

Subject: Re: Gully fest (8/21)

I expect the girls home on Friday by 8 pm.