An email exchange between "my friends"... "Randy" and "Jean"

From: Randy
To: Jean
Sent: Saturday, June 13, 2015 2:42 PM
Subject: Gullyfest (8/21)

Trident's Employee Appreciation Outing is on Friday, August 21st.
I would like to take the girls.
It is logistically easiest if I have them Thursday night.
It is logistically easiest if I keep them overnight on Friday as well.
I'm flexible on return time: could be Saturday after breakfast, after lunch, or after dinner.
I could even keep them until Sunday, if you prefer.

Please let me know your thoughts.

 

From: Jean
To: Randy                                                                           
Sent: Sunday, June 14, 2015 7:27 PM
Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

I would be willing to trade weekends so you can take the girls to Gullyfest.

I will keep them the weekend of the 14-16 and you will have them thursday aug 20 at 5 until sat aug 22 at 4 pm. 

They have swimming lessons on that thursday so we could not make it downtown by 5. I would recommend you pick them up at the house at 5, that should give them time to change get home and change into dry clothes. 

I have updated the calendar to reflect this trade. Please confirm this meets your needs.

 

From: Randy                     
To: Jean
Sent: Sunday, June 14, 2015 8:18 PM
Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

I do not wish to exchange weekends. I would like to request additional parenting time (as set forth in section 4.a).
I am hereby requesting such time (in writing at least 48 hours in advance of the parenting time).

I am fine with picking them up at the house at 5pm on Thursday and returning them to the house at 4pm on Saturday.

Please let me know if this is acceptable to you.

 

From: Jean
To: Randy                                                                           
Sent: Sunday, June 14, 2015 8:32 PM
Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

That is not acceptable to me. 

If you are not willing to trade, you can have them on Friday only. 

You can pick them up in the morning at 8:30am which should give you time to get back to Gullyfest and return them at 8pm or sooner. 

 

From: Randy                     
To: Jean
Sent: Sunday, June 14, 2015 8:45 PM
Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

I have received your message. I will have to get back to you later. (Hopefully tomorrow.)

Sent from my iPod

 

From: Randy                     
To: Jean
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2015 6:54 AM
Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

I feel this exchange reinforces our need for a Parental Counselor.

Fortunately, we don't need to make a final decision on the logistics surrounding Gullyfest until August.

I would like to table further discussion of this topic for the time being.

 

From: Randy                     
To : Jean
CC : Randy’s Lawyer                       
Sent:  Wednesday, August 12, 2015 6:37 AM 
Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

The Gullyfest outing is quickly approaching and we are to the point where we must agree on the plan. I had expected we would have had a PC in place by now, but, as we do not, we must work through this without such aid.

I wish to pick up the girls at the house at 5 pm on Thursday, August 20th and return them to the house by 4 pm on Saturday the 22nd, as you had proposed in your reply on June 14th.

I do not wish to exchange weekends.

I feel mine has been a reasonable request for additional parenting time (as set forth in section 4.a).
I had requested this in writing and at least 48 hours in advance of the parenting time.
I am once again requesting it and again doing so, in writing, at least 48 hours in advance of the parenting time.

I am not, in fact, requesting 3 weekends in a row. You will have the girls by 4 pm on Saturday and all of Sunday. They can handle not seeing you for a Saturday, Friday, and following Saturday in a row. If you'd like to discuss spans of insufficient time with a parent, allow me to suggest the following:

* 11/28 - 12/18 (21 days): I saw them twice on Monday evenings and Melody missed one of them (12/15) when she was sick. I wasn't even allowed to give her a hug.
* 6/22 - 7/11 (20 days): I saw them once, for 2.5 hours on a Monday.
* And, had I not pushed for a swap, I would have gone from 4/27 to 5/21 (25 days) only seeing them on 2 Mondays: the first of which involved Melody's gymnastics until 6:00 and the second being the Orchestra Picnic.

We need to get to a point where we are able to communicate more efficiently. The girls' schedules will only become increasingly full and we simply can't spend over a month dealing with something as basic as taking them to Gullyfest. We must move past adversarial and territorial and actually put the girls' best interest first.

 

From: Jean

To: Randy                                                                           

Sent: Wednesday, August 12, 2015 3:29 PM 

Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

You continue to ask for 3 weekends in a row without any willingness to trade. This is not reasonable. I am happy to give you an extra day for Gullyfest, Since I have just learned Emma has a concert on Thursday Aug 20, I think it makes sense for you to pick them up Thursday after the concert and drop them off at the house Friday at 8 pm as reflected in the google calendar.

Unless you make a proposal to trade time, I consider this discussion closed.

 

From: Randy                     

To: Jean

CC: Randy’s Lawyer                        

Sent: Thursday, August 13, 2015 1:21 PM 

Subject: Re: Gullyfest (8/21)

"You continue to ask for 3 weekends in a row without any willingness to trade. This is not reasonable."

Really?
In the past year I've had:
0 Tuesdays
2 Wednesdays (Thanksgiving & New Year's)
2 Thursdays (Thanksgiving & New Year's)
I have gone without Saturday overnights for 7 months and without Sunday overnights for the whole year.
... and you have the audacity to claim that I need to "give something up" in order to spend "3 weekends in a row"?

Actually, I'd like to review the term "weekend".

For the first 7 months, a "weekend" consisted of the period from Friday at 5 pm to Saturday at 7 pm; that's 26 hours. Later, we expanded my "weekend" to be from Friday at 5 pm to Sunday at 4 pm; that's 47 hours.

If I return the girls at 4 pm on Saturday, you will have them from that point through Monday, which is 32 hours. If you'd like to say that we should stop counting time after 8 pm on Sunday, because that's just time getting ready for bed before a workday, that would still give you a 28 hour span. No matter how you slice it, you are getting more than what I was forced to accept as a "weekend".

In my initial request, I stated the following:

"I'm flexible on return time: could be Saturday after breakfast, after lunch, or after dinner."
At what point on Saturday would you need to have the girls before you would consider yourself as "having had a weekend"? If you'd like them back closer to noon, we could do that. If you want to pick them up at 10:00 am, that would be fine, too.

 

From: Jean                         
To: Randy           

CC: Jean's Lawyer                           

Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2015 10:33 AM

Subject: Re: Gully fest (8/21)

I expect the girls home on Friday by 8 pm.